Sorry I haven't been on here much. Sometimes life just gets in the way of things. I've been working on a novel for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), taking photographs of my beautiful neighborhood in Western Massachusetts, and just generally trying to keep up with my daily life in so many places. I actually write four blogs, and it's not uncommon for me to fall behind on one or more of them. Since my mother moved to Florida, and I am not often in "crisis mode" with my Al-Anon, it is easier to let this one slide. That's not to say I'm not practicing the gifts that Al-Anon has given me though.
Yesterday I had an hour to myself unexpectedly. There wasn't time to work on the novel, but there was time to call my mother or take some photos at the state beach. I chose the photos. I chose serenity. During the holidays it is important to me to Keep It Simple Stupid, to remember to THINK (thoughtful, helpful, informative, Nice/Necessary, Kind), and to practice the serenity prayer.
Really that serenity prayer is harder than it looks. Take it apart line by line, and sometimes it's really hard to know it. "God grant me the wisdom to know the difference." Sometimes I don't feel I have that wisdom, but I keep trying.
I have friends, neighbors, family, and possibly coworkers with cancer right now. It seems like it is all around me. I can't cure it. I didn't cause it. I know this. I can't control it either. I've learned those 3 C's well. However, I can help maybe. I can organize a card drive, I can make a donation, I can spread awareness through my Facebook page. I am doing what I can.
I am grateful for my family, my job, and my serenity. I am grateful for Al-Anon in keeping me alive when I did not think I would make it.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Showing posts with label Attitude of Gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Attitude of Gratitude. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Sunday, September 4, 2011
I think I might be back here for a while...
Hi everybody!! I hope some of you are still with me. It's been a few months since I last posted.
If you've been in a 12-step program like AA or Al-Anon for a while then hopefully you have figured out that this 12-step stuff follows you EVERYWHERE!!! At least I hope it does!
I thought I would end this blog when my alcoholic parent moved away. It's a lot easier to maintain boundaries and detachments when I don't drive by her apartment on a weekly basis. However I have been aware that the concepts I learned from Al-Anon are helpful for me in other parts of my life as well. So I've decided that I am coming back to blog some more. You probably won't see me posting as much about my mother as I used to, but hopefully I will be able to post about how I am using the coping skills I learned from Al-Anon in other parts of my life such as my marriage, my job, parenting my child, losing weight, and whatever else I feel the urge to tie in.
A week ago New England, and elsewhere along the East Coast was hit by a storm named "Irene". I was fortunate. We had been camping in the White Mountains of New Hampshire before the storm hit, and decided to come home Saturday evening. We drove through Vermont and came back to Western Mass. The rain was already starting when we pulled into our driveway. We never lost power although we did lose internet for a while. From the comfort of my living room I learned of the devastation that hit near and far. Campgrounds that we had camped at last summer, covered bridges that we had photographed in July, the highway that we had traveled on just two days ago... and then closer to home, Shelburne Falls and the Bridge of Flowers nearly destroyed, my old apartment building in Greenfield, MA flooded! The current tenants are in a hotel now I think.... but I was spared. I said the Serenity Prayer a lot. There was little I could do. I was told to stay home, stay off the roads, and stay out of the way. I still haven't gone to see the damage in person. I'd like to, but I am also trying to be respectful to those who are doing the work and those who have lost their homes, businesses, farms, and streets. Although most of the power is back on there are still many who are homeless, and many roads that are closed.
My husband has detached. He knows he is powerless. I know I am powerless too, but I am still saddened by what has happened, and quite a bit awestruck too. I want to help. I want to get to those places and take pictures to show my child for when she gets older. I am curious... but it's not my problem. I can't control it. I can't fix it. I am remembering my Cs... so I am staying out of the way for a little longer. These things will take months to rebuild. There is time later to talk to folks and in the meantime I say my thanks and say my prayers to my higher powers.
Next week fittingly enough I plan to go to a church service. The congregation is doing something on water. It will be 9/11, but the focus won't be on that history for that service. The focus will be on coming together as a community because they have all been on a summer hiatus for a few weeks. I will bring my daughter and introduce her to new people. I hope that she likes it and will want to return in the weeks that follow. In doing this I hope to introduce her to a greater sense of a higher power. I know she has a small one, but I want to help her build on that now that she is starting Kindergarten. So maybe I will have something to say about all of that some time too.
If you've been in a 12-step program like AA or Al-Anon for a while then hopefully you have figured out that this 12-step stuff follows you EVERYWHERE!!! At least I hope it does!
I thought I would end this blog when my alcoholic parent moved away. It's a lot easier to maintain boundaries and detachments when I don't drive by her apartment on a weekly basis. However I have been aware that the concepts I learned from Al-Anon are helpful for me in other parts of my life as well. So I've decided that I am coming back to blog some more. You probably won't see me posting as much about my mother as I used to, but hopefully I will be able to post about how I am using the coping skills I learned from Al-Anon in other parts of my life such as my marriage, my job, parenting my child, losing weight, and whatever else I feel the urge to tie in.
A week ago New England, and elsewhere along the East Coast was hit by a storm named "Irene". I was fortunate. We had been camping in the White Mountains of New Hampshire before the storm hit, and decided to come home Saturday evening. We drove through Vermont and came back to Western Mass. The rain was already starting when we pulled into our driveway. We never lost power although we did lose internet for a while. From the comfort of my living room I learned of the devastation that hit near and far. Campgrounds that we had camped at last summer, covered bridges that we had photographed in July, the highway that we had traveled on just two days ago... and then closer to home, Shelburne Falls and the Bridge of Flowers nearly destroyed, my old apartment building in Greenfield, MA flooded! The current tenants are in a hotel now I think.... but I was spared. I said the Serenity Prayer a lot. There was little I could do. I was told to stay home, stay off the roads, and stay out of the way. I still haven't gone to see the damage in person. I'd like to, but I am also trying to be respectful to those who are doing the work and those who have lost their homes, businesses, farms, and streets. Although most of the power is back on there are still many who are homeless, and many roads that are closed.
My husband has detached. He knows he is powerless. I know I am powerless too, but I am still saddened by what has happened, and quite a bit awestruck too. I want to help. I want to get to those places and take pictures to show my child for when she gets older. I am curious... but it's not my problem. I can't control it. I can't fix it. I am remembering my Cs... so I am staying out of the way for a little longer. These things will take months to rebuild. There is time later to talk to folks and in the meantime I say my thanks and say my prayers to my higher powers.
Next week fittingly enough I plan to go to a church service. The congregation is doing something on water. It will be 9/11, but the focus won't be on that history for that service. The focus will be on coming together as a community because they have all been on a summer hiatus for a few weeks. I will bring my daughter and introduce her to new people. I hope that she likes it and will want to return in the weeks that follow. In doing this I hope to introduce her to a greater sense of a higher power. I know she has a small one, but I want to help her build on that now that she is starting Kindergarten. So maybe I will have something to say about all of that some time too.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I am grateful
I don't post about my gratitude much on this blog. I live it, feel it, mediate on it often, but I don't post it in every post. Someone else has that blog, and it's not me. :-)
Today I am grateful for rain instead of snow.
I am grateful that I did not marry the drug addict so many years ago. I am grateful not to be living with an alcoholic spouse.
Today I am grateful that I have not yet lost my father. (I hope that day is far in the future. The passing of that final grandparent a few weeks ago brings that thought closer to my heart.)
I am grateful that I can hang up the phone.
I am grateful for a supportive husband.
I am grateful to be reminded of the innocence of youth by being blessed with a beautiful daughter.
Today I am grateful for a home, food, heat in the house, a car, and all the things that we usually take for granted because I know for myself I have not always had these things.
Image via Wikipedia
Today I am grateful for rain instead of snow.
I am grateful that I did not marry the drug addict so many years ago. I am grateful not to be living with an alcoholic spouse.
Today I am grateful that I have not yet lost my father. (I hope that day is far in the future. The passing of that final grandparent a few weeks ago brings that thought closer to my heart.)
I am grateful that I can hang up the phone.
I am grateful for a supportive husband.
I am grateful to be reminded of the innocence of youth by being blessed with a beautiful daughter.
Today I am grateful for a home, food, heat in the house, a car, and all the things that we usually take for granted because I know for myself I have not always had these things.
Image via WikipediaMonday, August 30, 2010
Gratitude
I saw a man in the office supply store yesterday. He had 2 kids with him, one in the cart seat and the other one walking beside him. Probably both under the age of 5. A dad out on a Sunday with his kids, maybe buying back-to-school stuff, not sure.
Then I saw the man's leg. It was metal.
I'm not sure what his story is and it's none of my business. It's a reminder though. Life could be worse for me.
When I am soaking in the self-pity I need to remind myself, and I need to be grateful that whatever his story is, it isn't mine. Attitude of Gratitude, one day at a time.
Then I saw the man's leg. It was metal.
I'm not sure what his story is and it's none of my business. It's a reminder though. Life could be worse for me.
When I am soaking in the self-pity I need to remind myself, and I need to be grateful that whatever his story is, it isn't mine. Attitude of Gratitude, one day at a time.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Suicide or accidental death
One of the student workers died this week. I just got the news today. I also knew some friends outside of work who knew her. The whole story isn't out yet but it sounds like she overdosed on prescription medication. Whether it was accidental or on purpose I am not sure. Speculation is on both sides, and it doesn't really matter because the outcome is the same. The young woman had lost her boyfriend a month or so before when he committed suicide so I am sure she was depressed.
Whenever I hear a story like this it reminds me of those times when I have been down myself. I have attempted suicide more than once but it seems like a lifetime ago now. Whenever a doctor asks me if I've been that depressed I lie and say no because it really does feel like a different life since I met my husband. Still today I am remembering standing on the wrong side of the bridge that goes over the river, and swallowing too many pills. The pills didn't do what I wanted them to do, obviously, and I chickened out on the bridge thankfully.
Somewhere, somehow, a higher power had a different plan for me. I am grateful for that today. "There but for the grace of God go I..." as the saying goes. Today I may not always have serenity but I do have gratitude.
My heart goes out to the family, friends, and coworkers who have lost one or two friends this summer too.
Whenever I hear a story like this it reminds me of those times when I have been down myself. I have attempted suicide more than once but it seems like a lifetime ago now. Whenever a doctor asks me if I've been that depressed I lie and say no because it really does feel like a different life since I met my husband. Still today I am remembering standing on the wrong side of the bridge that goes over the river, and swallowing too many pills. The pills didn't do what I wanted them to do, obviously, and I chickened out on the bridge thankfully.
Somewhere, somehow, a higher power had a different plan for me. I am grateful for that today. "There but for the grace of God go I..." as the saying goes. Today I may not always have serenity but I do have gratitude.
My heart goes out to the family, friends, and coworkers who have lost one or two friends this summer too.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Thank you!
I see that the number of followers is gradually increasing. Thank you, thank you! I just got internet at home today, so I am hopeful that I will be able to post more often here, and post more thoughtfully as well. I won't always be so squeezed on time trying to do things on breaks at work or from a library parking lot or coffee shop or whatever. So thank you all for reading what is here, and inspiring me to keep posting. My gratitude to you all!!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
It's been a busy week!
We had a great camping trip over the weekend. It ALMOST took my mind off of my supervisor retiring. Unfortunately the real world was waiting for us on Monday morning. Monday night we had to do the errands that didn't get done over the weekend. On Wednesday I left work early for a dentist appointment and a hair cut. Splurged a little on shopping for myself too. We ate out for dinner on both of those nights. Tonight we're going to stop at the local library I think, and if I'm lucky we're going to see a concert before dinner. I know I'm pushing my luck with that one, but it's free music so I'm hopeful. Tomorrow we're going to cut out of work early to get a squeak in the car checked out. That should put us in line for more music and possibly viewing some fireworks. So we'll launch into our 3-day weekend... Yay for July! If only it doesn't rain.
In times like this I don't read as much as I should. I'm not spending time with my parents. I'm just busy with the daily life of my job, my husband, and my daughter. One Day at a Time. Trying to enjoy things in spite of the tantrums that a 4-year old brings in between. Enjoy the company of friends too.
Oh, and I pulled the plug on the tv this week!! We'll have internet access set up at home soon, and I'll get some dvds from the library or from Netflix (signed up for that too). My daughter is not happy about the lack of tv, but my husband and I decided that it was time to let it go.
The lack of drama in my life this week... Grateful for that!!
If I don't get to posting tomorrow, have a wonderful Fourth of July!
In times like this I don't read as much as I should. I'm not spending time with my parents. I'm just busy with the daily life of my job, my husband, and my daughter. One Day at a Time. Trying to enjoy things in spite of the tantrums that a 4-year old brings in between. Enjoy the company of friends too.
Oh, and I pulled the plug on the tv this week!! We'll have internet access set up at home soon, and I'll get some dvds from the library or from Netflix (signed up for that too). My daughter is not happy about the lack of tv, but my husband and I decided that it was time to let it go.
The lack of drama in my life this week... Grateful for that!!
If I don't get to posting tomorrow, have a wonderful Fourth of July!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Today's Attitude of Gratitude
Today I am grateful that although I am in extreme pain this week, the pain will eventually end. I am grateful to not have to live with constant pain, the way my husband does. I am grateful for the chance to gain perspective without having to live with it forever (I hope!).
I am also grateful that the tow truck I saw this morning was not for our car. I am grateful that the driver was fine, and apparently the damage to the car was minimum. I am grateful that my husband had patience, and did not drive across the lawn of the nearby home, as some other drivers were doing. I am grateful that we were able to show our daughter patience, and that it seemed to pay off. We were powerless and we knew it. We don't always have the opportunities to show her things like that.
I am grateful for a sunny day, even if I can't be outside. I think days like this improve everyone's moods, even as I sit her cringing with the pain.
I am also grateful that the tow truck I saw this morning was not for our car. I am grateful that the driver was fine, and apparently the damage to the car was minimum. I am grateful that my husband had patience, and did not drive across the lawn of the nearby home, as some other drivers were doing. I am grateful that we were able to show our daughter patience, and that it seemed to pay off. We were powerless and we knew it. We don't always have the opportunities to show her things like that.
I am grateful for a sunny day, even if I can't be outside. I think days like this improve everyone's moods, even as I sit her cringing with the pain.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Today I'm grateful for...
Today I'm grateful for all of you who read what I write, and take the time to comment. I don't always take the time to comment on everyone's blogs because I don't always have something original and witty to say, but thanks to you for stopping by.
I'm also grateful that our false fire alarm this morning happened on such a beautiful sunny day. I think it was 35 degrees out, and I still had my coat on when it happened. Not a bad start to my work day at all.
I'm also grateful that our false fire alarm this morning happened on such a beautiful sunny day. I think it was 35 degrees out, and I still had my coat on when it happened. Not a bad start to my work day at all.
Monday, November 2, 2009
the Monday after Halloween
Today I'm grateful for Scott's blog. I need a reminder sometimes to remember what I'm grateful for and reading his blog helps me do that.
I'm grateful that I remembered the slogan "Take what you like and leave the rest" today. I am feeling like I'm getting information overload on Mondays sometimes. I have RSS feeds set up on at least 3 different email accounts and sometimes I get behind. Today I had over 1000 posts on libraries, writing, and books waiting for me. I ignored most of them. I don't need it today. Fortunately my RSS feeds for Al-Anon are caught up and easier to digest. I actually look forward to reading them and saved them for last.
In the "things never go as planned" department, we made some adjustments over the weekend. Friday night we went straight home since we were all tired from the day before. On Saturday my daughter said she was not interested in the Fairy Princess Garden or whatever that I thought would be so much fun. She wanted to find a pick-your-own-pumpkin patch instead. So we tried to do that. We searched for several hours, riding in the car, and couldn't find one. Maybe it was too late in the season. Oh well. She also said she did not want to see my mother, and we decided not to force her although I came pretty close.
We did have a great time trick or treating in a neighborhood that we hadn't gone to before, and my husband had a good time and none of us minded the rain. So hoorah for that! Coming home, overtired, hungry, wet.. that was another story, but overall we had fun!
Still in the "not as planned" department, Sunday didn't go as planned either. My daughter did not want to see her grandfather for dinner, and although I was very disappointed, my husband offered to stay home with her. This turned out to be a blessing. My paternal grandmother ended up in the hospital on Saturday so after having dinner with my dad and his girlfriend, the three of us went to the hospital to see her. I had not seen her since Christmas (mostly her choice). My dad was surprised that I had actually listened to him, and gotten him what he asked for for his birthday. Hmm.. kind of a back-handed compliment I guess.
My dad is a very loyal son. When we got the the hospital, he washed his hands, checked in with the nurses, looked at grandma's monitor (numbers were high), and then went in and gently woke her up and made her more comfortable. He did exactly the right things. He is a man who really knows how to LISTEN, and does it much more beautifully than I do. I wish I had his magic.
I feel sorry that he spent Halloween and his birthday at the hospital, and really didn't get to enjoy his special day. My grandmother will be fine, and will return to the nursing home today or tomorrow. I'm standing by my belief that she has a few more years in her and will live to be 100 or 101. I don't think my dad always believes me.
I am grateful that my husband was willing to let me go for so much of Sunday. Between seeing my dad and doing the grocery shopping, I wasn't home much on Sunday. I think my husband had a bigger dose of one-on-one time with our daughter than he ever has on a weekend. I was grateful for the time off, and grateful for his support.
For what it's worth, we didn't see my mom over the weekend, but I did try to see her Sunday when I was out grocery shopping. I stopped at her apartment on my way to and from the grocery store, but she wasn't home. I left her a small bag of candy in her mailbox. I hope she knows it was from me. If not, oh well. Let it go.
I'm grateful that I remembered the slogan "Take what you like and leave the rest" today. I am feeling like I'm getting information overload on Mondays sometimes. I have RSS feeds set up on at least 3 different email accounts and sometimes I get behind. Today I had over 1000 posts on libraries, writing, and books waiting for me. I ignored most of them. I don't need it today. Fortunately my RSS feeds for Al-Anon are caught up and easier to digest. I actually look forward to reading them and saved them for last.
In the "things never go as planned" department, we made some adjustments over the weekend. Friday night we went straight home since we were all tired from the day before. On Saturday my daughter said she was not interested in the Fairy Princess Garden or whatever that I thought would be so much fun. She wanted to find a pick-your-own-pumpkin patch instead. So we tried to do that. We searched for several hours, riding in the car, and couldn't find one. Maybe it was too late in the season. Oh well. She also said she did not want to see my mother, and we decided not to force her although I came pretty close.
We did have a great time trick or treating in a neighborhood that we hadn't gone to before, and my husband had a good time and none of us minded the rain. So hoorah for that! Coming home, overtired, hungry, wet.. that was another story, but overall we had fun!
Still in the "not as planned" department, Sunday didn't go as planned either. My daughter did not want to see her grandfather for dinner, and although I was very disappointed, my husband offered to stay home with her. This turned out to be a blessing. My paternal grandmother ended up in the hospital on Saturday so after having dinner with my dad and his girlfriend, the three of us went to the hospital to see her. I had not seen her since Christmas (mostly her choice). My dad was surprised that I had actually listened to him, and gotten him what he asked for for his birthday. Hmm.. kind of a back-handed compliment I guess.
My dad is a very loyal son. When we got the the hospital, he washed his hands, checked in with the nurses, looked at grandma's monitor (numbers were high), and then went in and gently woke her up and made her more comfortable. He did exactly the right things. He is a man who really knows how to LISTEN, and does it much more beautifully than I do. I wish I had his magic.
I feel sorry that he spent Halloween and his birthday at the hospital, and really didn't get to enjoy his special day. My grandmother will be fine, and will return to the nursing home today or tomorrow. I'm standing by my belief that she has a few more years in her and will live to be 100 or 101. I don't think my dad always believes me.
I am grateful that my husband was willing to let me go for so much of Sunday. Between seeing my dad and doing the grocery shopping, I wasn't home much on Sunday. I think my husband had a bigger dose of one-on-one time with our daughter than he ever has on a weekend. I was grateful for the time off, and grateful for his support.
For what it's worth, we didn't see my mom over the weekend, but I did try to see her Sunday when I was out grocery shopping. I stopped at her apartment on my way to and from the grocery store, but she wasn't home. I left her a small bag of candy in her mailbox. I hope she knows it was from me. If not, oh well. Let it go.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
the good and the bad
Of course my mother called yesterday, while I was at work. Some drama about her surgery being canceled, and please call her when I'm calm and have time.... so last night wasn't the night to call her because I didn't have time. Personally I never put her surgery on my calendar anyway because I didn't think it would happen. Her medical appointments are drama after drama after drama. I do my best not to listen, not to get sucked in, because most of it is just bulls--- and lies. Or maybe false hopes? The toxin of an addict.
It's still hanging over my head that I need to call her back. I don't know if it will happen tonight.
I am grateful that I got to my union meeting today. It wasn't a great meeting or anything, but it felt good to be in a room with adults, talking, and having a conversation about things that matter to some people, even if I don't always agree. They are looking for volunteers to do service. When I heard this, a voice in my head said "Maybe", but I'm pretty sure our department is already over represented. I also thought "I'd rather be doing service in Al-Anon". I know there are hour long meetings on campus twice/week, but my lunch is only half-hour long. Not sure how I could make it work.
It's still hanging over my head that I need to call her back. I don't know if it will happen tonight.
I am grateful that I got to my union meeting today. It wasn't a great meeting or anything, but it felt good to be in a room with adults, talking, and having a conversation about things that matter to some people, even if I don't always agree. They are looking for volunteers to do service. When I heard this, a voice in my head said "Maybe", but I'm pretty sure our department is already over represented. I also thought "I'd rather be doing service in Al-Anon". I know there are hour long meetings on campus twice/week, but my lunch is only half-hour long. Not sure how I could make it work.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Still on pause or whatever but trying...
I'm still feeling uninspired, have a headache, not feeling great. Tonight will be busy. Going to take the kid to the library if she lets me, or go by myself is she doesn't. Husband is going to a meeting at the local town hall for some neighborhood issues so I'll have our daughter to myself for a while. She's been rejecting me lately, blaming me for not letting her go shopping or something. And yet she'll let me read her a story and snuggle with her at night.
Live and Let Live, right? I can't force her to be kind to me. I just have to accept whatever kindness I get. I'm also inwardly battling with my mother. I am still, will always be, angry with how she didn't allow my brother to come to my grandmother's funeral. I'm not sure how to get past that. A part of me wants to have a relationship with her, and a part of me says I'm better off without her. She's so toxic, and I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough to take the poison. So I'm drained, again, for another day.
Grateful that a coworker gave me free calendars with pretty pictures of animals. I can share these with my daughter, and if she doesn't want them I can gift them to her preschool teachers.
Grateful for a memory of a minister saying in a sermon once "Find something every day, no matter how small, to look forward to. It might be eating a banana or brushing your teeth, but find it, and hang on to it to get yourself through the day." I know he was talking to me that day, it was a small congregation. I need to remember those words more often, and cling to them.
Live and Let Live, right? I can't force her to be kind to me. I just have to accept whatever kindness I get. I'm also inwardly battling with my mother. I am still, will always be, angry with how she didn't allow my brother to come to my grandmother's funeral. I'm not sure how to get past that. A part of me wants to have a relationship with her, and a part of me says I'm better off without her. She's so toxic, and I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough to take the poison. So I'm drained, again, for another day.
Grateful that a coworker gave me free calendars with pretty pictures of animals. I can share these with my daughter, and if she doesn't want them I can gift them to her preschool teachers.
Grateful for a memory of a minister saying in a sermon once "Find something every day, no matter how small, to look forward to. It might be eating a banana or brushing your teeth, but find it, and hang on to it to get yourself through the day." I know he was talking to me that day, it was a small congregation. I need to remember those words more often, and cling to them.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Prayer Answered!
I've been very worried about H1N1 since I have a daughter in preschool, and I work on a college campus. However we got a phone call from the pediatrician last night saying they have a FEW vaccines available and my daughter will get one. I'm hoping my husband will be able to get one too since he is high risk. Due to the shortage of vaccines I don't expect that there will be enough for me. However I am grateful for my daughter getting one. That is a huge weight off my mind, and that is my gratitude for the day.
No, I'm not looking forward to the administration of the shot itself this afternoon of course, but I will be glad when it's done.
No, I'm not looking forward to the administration of the shot itself this afternoon of course, but I will be glad when it's done.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wandering today, and grateful for the memories
Scott said on his blog (Attitude of Gratitude) that he was grateful because "sometimes life is so different that I do not recognize it as mine."
I think about this often. Ten years ago I could never have imagined my life being what it is today. Even 8 years ago I never would have imagined my life this way, and it's good. In 2002 I made a huge change in my life. When my boyfriend and I had broken up AGAIN, I stopped, froze, and said "no more". He begged, he pleaded, I went out and wrecked my car and worse... it was the worst break-up of my life, but I stuck to it. Then I prayed, meditated, and dreamed out loud about what I wanted in life, and I gave it all up to my higher power, and maybe, just maybe someone listened. Between April and July that year I ended a relationship, and a job, got arrested, dated a "rebound" guy, and then began the relationship that I knew would work. I changed my life with the help of my higher power.
I kick myself hard almost every day for getting arrested and for the difficulties I had in kicking that bad relationship out the door, but I also hug myself hard too for marrying the right man and getting my life on track.
"There but for the grace of God go I." I say this when I see someone who is homeless or having a hard time because I know that it could be me. I've been down before, and my life could be a lot worse if I hadn't turned things over to my higher power and gotten a lift up to where I am today.
Amen.
I think about this often. Ten years ago I could never have imagined my life being what it is today. Even 8 years ago I never would have imagined my life this way, and it's good. In 2002 I made a huge change in my life. When my boyfriend and I had broken up AGAIN, I stopped, froze, and said "no more". He begged, he pleaded, I went out and wrecked my car and worse... it was the worst break-up of my life, but I stuck to it. Then I prayed, meditated, and dreamed out loud about what I wanted in life, and I gave it all up to my higher power, and maybe, just maybe someone listened. Between April and July that year I ended a relationship, and a job, got arrested, dated a "rebound" guy, and then began the relationship that I knew would work. I changed my life with the help of my higher power.
I kick myself hard almost every day for getting arrested and for the difficulties I had in kicking that bad relationship out the door, but I also hug myself hard too for marrying the right man and getting my life on track.
"There but for the grace of God go I." I say this when I see someone who is homeless or having a hard time because I know that it could be me. I've been down before, and my life could be a lot worse if I hadn't turned things over to my higher power and gotten a lift up to where I am today.
Amen.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Top moments of my life
Syd posted a top 10. Good to be reminded of the highlights in life, isn't it? I'm going to do this kind of on the fly, and they probably won't be in order.
1. Marrying my husband, my true love
2. Bringing my daughter home was probably better than her birth.
3. The day I met my husband on the bus, sat with him on a bench for a few hours and told him my true feelings for him. My whole life changed that day.
4. Birth of my daughter. It was bitter-sweet since there were complications, but still happy.
Other great memories and times--
5. Seeing a play on stage, any play. I have a love for the theater that doesn't get to express itself much.
6. Live concerts. I'm trying to think of one that was better than others, but like theater, I love live music and rarely get to indulge in it. Open Mic nights can be great especially since the venues are small and intimate.
7. Swimming in a river, by myself, naked, in the warm afternoon sun.
8. Skinny-dipping at night.
9. Times spent with my grandparents as a child. I didn't realize it then, but those were special times.
10. Spending my 21st birthday with my dad.
11. Driving to Florida by myself. I was helping my mom to move, and in the process escaping from a very controlling boyfriend for a few days. I spent the trip listening to some great liberating music in the car, and really felt free for a while.
It's nice to think back on these happy times and have an attitude of gratitude on an otherwise chilly, boring, Monday at work. Thanks Syd for the motivation.
1. Marrying my husband, my true love
2. Bringing my daughter home was probably better than her birth.
3. The day I met my husband on the bus, sat with him on a bench for a few hours and told him my true feelings for him. My whole life changed that day.
4. Birth of my daughter. It was bitter-sweet since there were complications, but still happy.
Other great memories and times--
5. Seeing a play on stage, any play. I have a love for the theater that doesn't get to express itself much.
6. Live concerts. I'm trying to think of one that was better than others, but like theater, I love live music and rarely get to indulge in it. Open Mic nights can be great especially since the venues are small and intimate.
7. Swimming in a river, by myself, naked, in the warm afternoon sun.
8. Skinny-dipping at night.
9. Times spent with my grandparents as a child. I didn't realize it then, but those were special times.
10. Spending my 21st birthday with my dad.
11. Driving to Florida by myself. I was helping my mom to move, and in the process escaping from a very controlling boyfriend for a few days. I spent the trip listening to some great liberating music in the car, and really felt free for a while.
It's nice to think back on these happy times and have an attitude of gratitude on an otherwise chilly, boring, Monday at work. Thanks Syd for the motivation.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Rough day today but grateful anyway
This morning my kid wasn't feeling well and I hated pushing her to go to school. Once she saw the snow though she was eager to get ready and go. At work things have been up and down all day. Around 3:30pm the power went out at my desk, and it probably won't come back on before I leave.
I'm GRATEFUL that today of all days I brought my laptop with me so that I am able to connect to the internet at least. I called my husband and asked him how to hook up the wire since the one I was trying wasn't working. Wireless should also have been an option but for some reason it wasn't working. Anyway I'm grateful for being able to post this, although maybe I should be reading a book instead. I am grateful I have a husband who was able to help me with this too.
It has been cold this week, but there is beauty. I saw a couple of photographers taking pictures on my morning commutes, and last night I saw a fox run away on my way home. There is beauty where I live and I am grateful for that.
I am grateful that the balloon boy story was just a hoax. It's nice to be wrong sometimes, and I'm glad that it was a case of whacked, publicity seeking parents and not a real case of a dead kid.
Now the power is back on so I should wrap this up. Have a good weekend all!
I'm GRATEFUL that today of all days I brought my laptop with me so that I am able to connect to the internet at least. I called my husband and asked him how to hook up the wire since the one I was trying wasn't working. Wireless should also have been an option but for some reason it wasn't working. Anyway I'm grateful for being able to post this, although maybe I should be reading a book instead. I am grateful I have a husband who was able to help me with this too.
It has been cold this week, but there is beauty. I saw a couple of photographers taking pictures on my morning commutes, and last night I saw a fox run away on my way home. There is beauty where I live and I am grateful for that.
I am grateful that the balloon boy story was just a hoax. It's nice to be wrong sometimes, and I'm glad that it was a case of whacked, publicity seeking parents and not a real case of a dead kid.
Now the power is back on so I should wrap this up. Have a good weekend all!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Making choices - attitude of gratitude or comparing myself with others
Every day I have choices to make. As I posted yesterday I can be grumpy when my daughter wakes me up or I can be compassionate.
Today's choice- Focus on the positive with an Attitude of Gratitude or focus on the negative and compare myself with others. The choice is obvious what I SHOULD do, but it's not always easy. Sometimes misery loves company, and people like good gossip.
I work with a coworker who has a lot of issues in her life. The rest of us suspect drug addiction to prescriptions as being one of those issues. Yesterday she was allowed to sleep on the job, again. I'm still bitter about this. I have a right to be bitter I think, however I can't change anything and it doesn't help my life to obsess about it.
On the flip side, I saw two wonderful things in nature yesterday. In the morning, we saw a deer cross the road in front of our car. My daughter didn't get a great look because she was in the back seat, but she did see it. Then around 6pm we saw a rainbow. We went to Trader Joe's to get a few things, and as we got out of the car we saw this beautiful rainbow that went right over the store. Amazing. By the time we got done shopping, it was gone. We were all a little awed by its presence, and I felt that my day had begun and ended on happy notes with nature. This is what I need to focus on. These are gifts from my Higher Power, and worth living for.
Today's choice- Focus on the positive with an Attitude of Gratitude or focus on the negative and compare myself with others. The choice is obvious what I SHOULD do, but it's not always easy. Sometimes misery loves company, and people like good gossip.
I work with a coworker who has a lot of issues in her life. The rest of us suspect drug addiction to prescriptions as being one of those issues. Yesterday she was allowed to sleep on the job, again. I'm still bitter about this. I have a right to be bitter I think, however I can't change anything and it doesn't help my life to obsess about it.
On the flip side, I saw two wonderful things in nature yesterday. In the morning, we saw a deer cross the road in front of our car. My daughter didn't get a great look because she was in the back seat, but she did see it. Then around 6pm we saw a rainbow. We went to Trader Joe's to get a few things, and as we got out of the car we saw this beautiful rainbow that went right over the store. Amazing. By the time we got done shopping, it was gone. We were all a little awed by its presence, and I felt that my day had begun and ended on happy notes with nature. This is what I need to focus on. These are gifts from my Higher Power, and worth living for.
This is from Pink Sherbet on Flickr
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Another tough day but grateful anyway
Work conditions today have not been wonderful. Construction noise, lack of heat, power outage, computer problems... etc. Fortunately my morning was full of meetings away from my desk area, and this afternoon I've really had very little actual work to do. I'll count this as a blessing.
My husband has to come in to work in the middle of the night to do a computer repair. This will make it impossible to get any real sleep tonight, and I know tomorrow he'll be miserable. I don' t know how he does it, but I'm grateful that he does. Without his paycheck I'm not sure where we'd be.
A cousin of mine died. I knew it was coming, and honestly I wasn't close to him. I think my mom might have been. I read some news online about what a hero he was, but I could not locate the actual obituary. New Hampshire paper said I needed to be a subscriber. I called my mom and asked her if she'd be willing to go to her local store and find a copy but she didn't seem interested. So maybe she wasn't that close after all. I'll choose to be grateful for that since it means she probably isn't mourning much. Heroes die every day, and it's sad that this one has passed, but at least he isn't suffering anymore.
So there's my motto for the day== Attitude of Gratitude!
My husband has to come in to work in the middle of the night to do a computer repair. This will make it impossible to get any real sleep tonight, and I know tomorrow he'll be miserable. I don' t know how he does it, but I'm grateful that he does. Without his paycheck I'm not sure where we'd be.
A cousin of mine died. I knew it was coming, and honestly I wasn't close to him. I think my mom might have been. I read some news online about what a hero he was, but I could not locate the actual obituary. New Hampshire paper said I needed to be a subscriber. I called my mom and asked her if she'd be willing to go to her local store and find a copy but she didn't seem interested. So maybe she wasn't that close after all. I'll choose to be grateful for that since it means she probably isn't mourning much. Heroes die every day, and it's sad that this one has passed, but at least he isn't suffering anymore.
So there's my motto for the day== Attitude of Gratitude!
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