I posted this on my blog on www.Sparkpeople.com
I am not one to post about gratitude every day. I have it, I just don't
post it. This morning though I thought I would share with you, in the
spirit of the holidays and all.
1. I am grateful that I can afford to send out xmas cards to my friends
and family. I know that not everyone can do this. Stamps and cards are
expensive and it is outside of many people's budgets to send them.
2. I am grateful that we can afford to have a SHELF full of cereal at
our house, okay 1/2 a shelf now but a few weeks ago we bought stuff on
sale and we had SEVERAL boxes of the stuff. We still do have quite a
bit. 20 years ago I was lucky if I had a single box for myself. Now my
daughter has 3 or 4 boxes to choose from in addition to frozen waffles,
eggs, and pancakes. I know she will have a healthy breakfast.
3. I am grateful that I have health insurance and that I can afford the
copays to see my doctor when I am sick. I have been going back and
forth for a few months now trying to get my asthma/breathing situation
under control. I know that not everyone could do that. Many people would
just "live with it" as long as they could.
4. I am grateful that God, or a higher power, or whatever forces in the
universe there are..whatever you want to believe there.... brought my
husband together in 2002.
5. I am grateful that my husband was accepting of who I am, faults and
all. I am also grateful for his family being accepting too. I am not a
saint. I had a life before him and it wasn't all roses.
6. I am grateful to have a full-time job, with flexible working hours and paid time off.
7. I am grateful for the internet. ;-)
8.
I am grateful to see my daycare bill this month and see that it is only
3 digits instead of 4. It wasn't so long ago (July) that it was 4.
9. I am grateful that both of my parents are still alive.
10. I am grateful to have found my long-lost foster sister on Facebook
this year. That is probably one of the best things to happen to me in a
long time.
11. I am grateful for my daughter.
12. I am grateful to be the kind of mom that will sit down on a dirty
kitchen floor and do an art project with my daughter until we run out of
paint!
13. I am grateful that my ears work so that I can hear things like
"Mommy, I know we have the prettiest Christmas tree in the whole world!
No one could possibly have a tree as nice as ours."
14. I am grateful for my Spark friends.
15. I will add... I am grateful for my readers here, whoever you may be. I hope you all have happy holidays!
Showing posts with label grateful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grateful. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I am grateful
I don't post about my gratitude much on this blog. I live it, feel it, mediate on it often, but I don't post it in every post. Someone else has that blog, and it's not me. :-)
Today I am grateful for rain instead of snow.
I am grateful that I did not marry the drug addict so many years ago. I am grateful not to be living with an alcoholic spouse.
Today I am grateful that I have not yet lost my father. (I hope that day is far in the future. The passing of that final grandparent a few weeks ago brings that thought closer to my heart.)
I am grateful that I can hang up the phone.
I am grateful for a supportive husband.
I am grateful to be reminded of the innocence of youth by being blessed with a beautiful daughter.
Today I am grateful for a home, food, heat in the house, a car, and all the things that we usually take for granted because I know for myself I have not always had these things.
Image via Wikipedia
Today I am grateful for rain instead of snow.
I am grateful that I did not marry the drug addict so many years ago. I am grateful not to be living with an alcoholic spouse.
Today I am grateful that I have not yet lost my father. (I hope that day is far in the future. The passing of that final grandparent a few weeks ago brings that thought closer to my heart.)
I am grateful that I can hang up the phone.
I am grateful for a supportive husband.
I am grateful to be reminded of the innocence of youth by being blessed with a beautiful daughter.
Today I am grateful for a home, food, heat in the house, a car, and all the things that we usually take for granted because I know for myself I have not always had these things.
Image via WikipediaSaturday, July 17, 2010
winding up the week
Well I said yesterday that the week had been ups and downs and absent my mother. Ah but the powers that be couldn't let that one sit, and a call came from her last night and an urgency of "see me now!! Dammitt!"
So this morning I dutifully waited until 8am and then called her with her wake up call to be ready at 9am. The mission was to go to the bank to get me added to her safety deposit box "in case something happens to me". We had time for a couple of quick errands on the way, and started off pleasantly. This changed in the bank. Quickly tensions between us mounted, and when I was told that I needed to not only sign the form, but also be in possession of one of the two keys, we hit a wall. My mother did not want me to have the key. This I do not quite understand. I refused to sign until she promised me the key. The poor bank lady pretended to ignore the heat building between us, and the form was signed quickly for her sake. Out in the parking lot though words flew. My mother saying the worst of them. She called me "nosy" and more. Her biggest weapons began with "B" and "C". I hate the "C" word. I really do, it just gets under my skin. So finally I just pulled over and offered to let her walk herself home when we were within a reasonable distance. I continued for a while and then pulled over again and called my husband. We went over the situation briefly, and agreed that I'd be home an hour later than promised so that I could go back to my mother for Round 2.
When I entered her apartment she was on the phone with my brother telling him how awful I'd been (to put it mildly) but she quickly hung up. I asked if she was done with her ranting yet, and she wasn't quite, but she settled down quickly. I let her show me her living will, which I had seen 5 years ago and already have memorized. I let her show me life insurance paperwork, which I really don't need. I let her ramble about what furniture she wants to give me next year, what she wants my brother to get, when she'll move to Florida, and where she might go.... I let her do her thing for an hour. This is what she asked for. She just wanted my attention for an hour. I choked and gasped for air, but I was doing that in the car with her anyway, and we finally got through everything she wanted to say for now.
When I left she seemed calm and okay again, and I felt relieved that I wouldn't have to worry about her hurling rocks through my windows or causing some other kind of trouble. I'm really not sure what she planned to do if I hadn't turned around and calmed her down. Her threats were so vague.
What it really comes down to, and I have lived with this for so long is... she wants to be #1 in my life, and she's not. She can't be, and she won't be. My husband and my daughter come first, and she knows it, and she's jealous. She called me a rotten and lousy parent.
For my part, even though she's calm, I'm not sure when I'll see her again. I feel like she's been looking for a fight for a while, and she got one. She said some mean words, and she meant them, and I'm not going to heal from that. And yes, I said some words too, and yes I meant them. Anyone who has known me closely knows that she has inflicted pain and abuse into my life that no child or adult should have to endure, and there is no reason to forgive that.
We'll see what happens tomorrow. I'm not saying I'll never talk to her again. I'm just saying I'm not in any hurry. I know I was not at my best, and maybe I didn't use "my program" but then again maybe I did. I stood up for myself. I didn't let her walk all over me. When something was important, I held my ground and didn't cave in just to end the conflict and in the end I think she felt like we had worked things out.
Oh, and then... to make things bittersweet, like they were the other day... I went home to my husband and daughter, and in between "I love yous" and "lets get ready to go to that birthday party" my husband asked what had happened and I tried to answer him. He assured me that I was not a lousy parent and my mother had no reason to call me that. I am grateful for his love. Then my daughter and I went to a birthday party for a classmate of hers, and had a great time. Fun and sun and happy kids, with only a few typical 4-year old tears.
So the day ended on a good note for me, tired and happy child asleep before bedtime. My husband went out, as is his normal routine, and I settled down for a dinner alone and some time to myself.
May my higher power be with me tonight. I could use some goodness and guidance in my dreams.
So this morning I dutifully waited until 8am and then called her with her wake up call to be ready at 9am. The mission was to go to the bank to get me added to her safety deposit box "in case something happens to me". We had time for a couple of quick errands on the way, and started off pleasantly. This changed in the bank. Quickly tensions between us mounted, and when I was told that I needed to not only sign the form, but also be in possession of one of the two keys, we hit a wall. My mother did not want me to have the key. This I do not quite understand. I refused to sign until she promised me the key. The poor bank lady pretended to ignore the heat building between us, and the form was signed quickly for her sake. Out in the parking lot though words flew. My mother saying the worst of them. She called me "nosy" and more. Her biggest weapons began with "B" and "C". I hate the "C" word. I really do, it just gets under my skin. So finally I just pulled over and offered to let her walk herself home when we were within a reasonable distance. I continued for a while and then pulled over again and called my husband. We went over the situation briefly, and agreed that I'd be home an hour later than promised so that I could go back to my mother for Round 2.
When I entered her apartment she was on the phone with my brother telling him how awful I'd been (to put it mildly) but she quickly hung up. I asked if she was done with her ranting yet, and she wasn't quite, but she settled down quickly. I let her show me her living will, which I had seen 5 years ago and already have memorized. I let her show me life insurance paperwork, which I really don't need. I let her ramble about what furniture she wants to give me next year, what she wants my brother to get, when she'll move to Florida, and where she might go.... I let her do her thing for an hour. This is what she asked for. She just wanted my attention for an hour. I choked and gasped for air, but I was doing that in the car with her anyway, and we finally got through everything she wanted to say for now.
When I left she seemed calm and okay again, and I felt relieved that I wouldn't have to worry about her hurling rocks through my windows or causing some other kind of trouble. I'm really not sure what she planned to do if I hadn't turned around and calmed her down. Her threats were so vague.
What it really comes down to, and I have lived with this for so long is... she wants to be #1 in my life, and she's not. She can't be, and she won't be. My husband and my daughter come first, and she knows it, and she's jealous. She called me a rotten and lousy parent.
For my part, even though she's calm, I'm not sure when I'll see her again. I feel like she's been looking for a fight for a while, and she got one. She said some mean words, and she meant them, and I'm not going to heal from that. And yes, I said some words too, and yes I meant them. Anyone who has known me closely knows that she has inflicted pain and abuse into my life that no child or adult should have to endure, and there is no reason to forgive that.
We'll see what happens tomorrow. I'm not saying I'll never talk to her again. I'm just saying I'm not in any hurry. I know I was not at my best, and maybe I didn't use "my program" but then again maybe I did. I stood up for myself. I didn't let her walk all over me. When something was important, I held my ground and didn't cave in just to end the conflict and in the end I think she felt like we had worked things out.
Oh, and then... to make things bittersweet, like they were the other day... I went home to my husband and daughter, and in between "I love yous" and "lets get ready to go to that birthday party" my husband asked what had happened and I tried to answer him. He assured me that I was not a lousy parent and my mother had no reason to call me that. I am grateful for his love. Then my daughter and I went to a birthday party for a classmate of hers, and had a great time. Fun and sun and happy kids, with only a few typical 4-year old tears.
So the day ended on a good note for me, tired and happy child asleep before bedtime. My husband went out, as is his normal routine, and I settled down for a dinner alone and some time to myself.
May my higher power be with me tonight. I could use some goodness and guidance in my dreams.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
It's been a busy week!
We had a great camping trip over the weekend. It ALMOST took my mind off of my supervisor retiring. Unfortunately the real world was waiting for us on Monday morning. Monday night we had to do the errands that didn't get done over the weekend. On Wednesday I left work early for a dentist appointment and a hair cut. Splurged a little on shopping for myself too. We ate out for dinner on both of those nights. Tonight we're going to stop at the local library I think, and if I'm lucky we're going to see a concert before dinner. I know I'm pushing my luck with that one, but it's free music so I'm hopeful. Tomorrow we're going to cut out of work early to get a squeak in the car checked out. That should put us in line for more music and possibly viewing some fireworks. So we'll launch into our 3-day weekend... Yay for July! If only it doesn't rain.
In times like this I don't read as much as I should. I'm not spending time with my parents. I'm just busy with the daily life of my job, my husband, and my daughter. One Day at a Time. Trying to enjoy things in spite of the tantrums that a 4-year old brings in between. Enjoy the company of friends too.
Oh, and I pulled the plug on the tv this week!! We'll have internet access set up at home soon, and I'll get some dvds from the library or from Netflix (signed up for that too). My daughter is not happy about the lack of tv, but my husband and I decided that it was time to let it go.
The lack of drama in my life this week... Grateful for that!!
If I don't get to posting tomorrow, have a wonderful Fourth of July!
In times like this I don't read as much as I should. I'm not spending time with my parents. I'm just busy with the daily life of my job, my husband, and my daughter. One Day at a Time. Trying to enjoy things in spite of the tantrums that a 4-year old brings in between. Enjoy the company of friends too.
Oh, and I pulled the plug on the tv this week!! We'll have internet access set up at home soon, and I'll get some dvds from the library or from Netflix (signed up for that too). My daughter is not happy about the lack of tv, but my husband and I decided that it was time to let it go.
The lack of drama in my life this week... Grateful for that!!
If I don't get to posting tomorrow, have a wonderful Fourth of July!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Just a quick post today
Yesterday's post was kind of long, and I apologize for that.
I was grateful last night to get home and NOT have a message on the machine from my mother.
I am grateful that my grandmother got out of the hospital yesterday and is back to the nursing home.
I am trying to focus on "It is what it is" today because things aren't great, but I know I have to let them go. I don't have control over a lot of things at work and at home. I'm not happy with the way things are, but it's beyond my power to make the world bend to my wishes. So "it is what it is".
I was grateful last night to get home and NOT have a message on the machine from my mother.
I am grateful that my grandmother got out of the hospital yesterday and is back to the nursing home.
I am trying to focus on "It is what it is" today because things aren't great, but I know I have to let them go. I don't have control over a lot of things at work and at home. I'm not happy with the way things are, but it's beyond my power to make the world bend to my wishes. So "it is what it is".
Monday, November 2, 2009
the Monday after Halloween
Today I'm grateful for Scott's blog. I need a reminder sometimes to remember what I'm grateful for and reading his blog helps me do that.
I'm grateful that I remembered the slogan "Take what you like and leave the rest" today. I am feeling like I'm getting information overload on Mondays sometimes. I have RSS feeds set up on at least 3 different email accounts and sometimes I get behind. Today I had over 1000 posts on libraries, writing, and books waiting for me. I ignored most of them. I don't need it today. Fortunately my RSS feeds for Al-Anon are caught up and easier to digest. I actually look forward to reading them and saved them for last.
In the "things never go as planned" department, we made some adjustments over the weekend. Friday night we went straight home since we were all tired from the day before. On Saturday my daughter said she was not interested in the Fairy Princess Garden or whatever that I thought would be so much fun. She wanted to find a pick-your-own-pumpkin patch instead. So we tried to do that. We searched for several hours, riding in the car, and couldn't find one. Maybe it was too late in the season. Oh well. She also said she did not want to see my mother, and we decided not to force her although I came pretty close.
We did have a great time trick or treating in a neighborhood that we hadn't gone to before, and my husband had a good time and none of us minded the rain. So hoorah for that! Coming home, overtired, hungry, wet.. that was another story, but overall we had fun!
Still in the "not as planned" department, Sunday didn't go as planned either. My daughter did not want to see her grandfather for dinner, and although I was very disappointed, my husband offered to stay home with her. This turned out to be a blessing. My paternal grandmother ended up in the hospital on Saturday so after having dinner with my dad and his girlfriend, the three of us went to the hospital to see her. I had not seen her since Christmas (mostly her choice). My dad was surprised that I had actually listened to him, and gotten him what he asked for for his birthday. Hmm.. kind of a back-handed compliment I guess.
My dad is a very loyal son. When we got the the hospital, he washed his hands, checked in with the nurses, looked at grandma's monitor (numbers were high), and then went in and gently woke her up and made her more comfortable. He did exactly the right things. He is a man who really knows how to LISTEN, and does it much more beautifully than I do. I wish I had his magic.
I feel sorry that he spent Halloween and his birthday at the hospital, and really didn't get to enjoy his special day. My grandmother will be fine, and will return to the nursing home today or tomorrow. I'm standing by my belief that she has a few more years in her and will live to be 100 or 101. I don't think my dad always believes me.
I am grateful that my husband was willing to let me go for so much of Sunday. Between seeing my dad and doing the grocery shopping, I wasn't home much on Sunday. I think my husband had a bigger dose of one-on-one time with our daughter than he ever has on a weekend. I was grateful for the time off, and grateful for his support.
For what it's worth, we didn't see my mom over the weekend, but I did try to see her Sunday when I was out grocery shopping. I stopped at her apartment on my way to and from the grocery store, but she wasn't home. I left her a small bag of candy in her mailbox. I hope she knows it was from me. If not, oh well. Let it go.
I'm grateful that I remembered the slogan "Take what you like and leave the rest" today. I am feeling like I'm getting information overload on Mondays sometimes. I have RSS feeds set up on at least 3 different email accounts and sometimes I get behind. Today I had over 1000 posts on libraries, writing, and books waiting for me. I ignored most of them. I don't need it today. Fortunately my RSS feeds for Al-Anon are caught up and easier to digest. I actually look forward to reading them and saved them for last.
In the "things never go as planned" department, we made some adjustments over the weekend. Friday night we went straight home since we were all tired from the day before. On Saturday my daughter said she was not interested in the Fairy Princess Garden or whatever that I thought would be so much fun. She wanted to find a pick-your-own-pumpkin patch instead. So we tried to do that. We searched for several hours, riding in the car, and couldn't find one. Maybe it was too late in the season. Oh well. She also said she did not want to see my mother, and we decided not to force her although I came pretty close.
We did have a great time trick or treating in a neighborhood that we hadn't gone to before, and my husband had a good time and none of us minded the rain. So hoorah for that! Coming home, overtired, hungry, wet.. that was another story, but overall we had fun!
Still in the "not as planned" department, Sunday didn't go as planned either. My daughter did not want to see her grandfather for dinner, and although I was very disappointed, my husband offered to stay home with her. This turned out to be a blessing. My paternal grandmother ended up in the hospital on Saturday so after having dinner with my dad and his girlfriend, the three of us went to the hospital to see her. I had not seen her since Christmas (mostly her choice). My dad was surprised that I had actually listened to him, and gotten him what he asked for for his birthday. Hmm.. kind of a back-handed compliment I guess.
My dad is a very loyal son. When we got the the hospital, he washed his hands, checked in with the nurses, looked at grandma's monitor (numbers were high), and then went in and gently woke her up and made her more comfortable. He did exactly the right things. He is a man who really knows how to LISTEN, and does it much more beautifully than I do. I wish I had his magic.
I feel sorry that he spent Halloween and his birthday at the hospital, and really didn't get to enjoy his special day. My grandmother will be fine, and will return to the nursing home today or tomorrow. I'm standing by my belief that she has a few more years in her and will live to be 100 or 101. I don't think my dad always believes me.
I am grateful that my husband was willing to let me go for so much of Sunday. Between seeing my dad and doing the grocery shopping, I wasn't home much on Sunday. I think my husband had a bigger dose of one-on-one time with our daughter than he ever has on a weekend. I was grateful for the time off, and grateful for his support.
For what it's worth, we didn't see my mom over the weekend, but I did try to see her Sunday when I was out grocery shopping. I stopped at her apartment on my way to and from the grocery store, but she wasn't home. I left her a small bag of candy in her mailbox. I hope she knows it was from me. If not, oh well. Let it go.
Friday, October 30, 2009
the day before Halloween
Today I'm grateful that work is slow because I don't really feel like being here. A lot of people are out, and that's good too. Nice and quiet. Leaving me to work slowly and listen to all the little voices in my head.
I'm grateful that I decided to listen to myself and dye my hair for the day in the spirit of Halloween. Not everyone thinks it's cute or cool or whatever, but I don't care. I'm having fun with it. Some people aren't sure if I am trying a new look or if I did it for the holiday. I enjoyed going to the small social gathering this afternoon to see the coworkers who really did get into costume for the event. Bah Humbug! to all the others who missed the party.
I'm not so grateful that the Halloween card that my mother sent to my daughter had a message that said "I hope I get to see you on Halloween".... remember we have not seen my mother since my grandmother's funeral. I do not appreciate her playing that game with my 3 year old child. If she wants to play a guilt trip on me (and she did on the phone Wednesday night), that's one thing, but leave my child out of it. That's just wrong to use her that way.
I'm worried. I'm worried that my husband is going to be a "stick in the mud" and a "spoil sport" and not "get into the fun" this weekend. I have found a few fun things to do for Halloween and I'm hoping that we can enjoy them as a family. I'm worried that my husband won't. We went out for dinner last night, and he wasn't in the mood for that, and you could have cut the air at our table with a knife he was sulking so badly. He was angry that we went to a restaurant instead of going home.
Plans are finally confirmed that we'll be having dinner with my dad on Sunday night, Chinese food, we'll celebrate his birthday.
My mother-in-law's birthday is on Monday. It was DH's job to send the card, and I don't think he did. He told me not to put it on my list though. Let Go and Let HP I guess.
That's all I've got for now. Happy Halloween everybody! Cross your fingers for me in dealing with both my parents this weekend.
I'm grateful that I decided to listen to myself and dye my hair for the day in the spirit of Halloween. Not everyone thinks it's cute or cool or whatever, but I don't care. I'm having fun with it. Some people aren't sure if I am trying a new look or if I did it for the holiday. I enjoyed going to the small social gathering this afternoon to see the coworkers who really did get into costume for the event. Bah Humbug! to all the others who missed the party.
I'm not so grateful that the Halloween card that my mother sent to my daughter had a message that said "I hope I get to see you on Halloween".... remember we have not seen my mother since my grandmother's funeral. I do not appreciate her playing that game with my 3 year old child. If she wants to play a guilt trip on me (and she did on the phone Wednesday night), that's one thing, but leave my child out of it. That's just wrong to use her that way.
I'm worried. I'm worried that my husband is going to be a "stick in the mud" and a "spoil sport" and not "get into the fun" this weekend. I have found a few fun things to do for Halloween and I'm hoping that we can enjoy them as a family. I'm worried that my husband won't. We went out for dinner last night, and he wasn't in the mood for that, and you could have cut the air at our table with a knife he was sulking so badly. He was angry that we went to a restaurant instead of going home.
Plans are finally confirmed that we'll be having dinner with my dad on Sunday night, Chinese food, we'll celebrate his birthday.
My mother-in-law's birthday is on Monday. It was DH's job to send the card, and I don't think he did. He told me not to put it on my list though. Let Go and Let HP I guess.
That's all I've got for now. Happy Halloween everybody! Cross your fingers for me in dealing with both my parents this weekend.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Prayer Answered!
I've been very worried about H1N1 since I have a daughter in preschool, and I work on a college campus. However we got a phone call from the pediatrician last night saying they have a FEW vaccines available and my daughter will get one. I'm hoping my husband will be able to get one too since he is high risk. Due to the shortage of vaccines I don't expect that there will be enough for me. However I am grateful for my daughter getting one. That is a huge weight off my mind, and that is my gratitude for the day.
No, I'm not looking forward to the administration of the shot itself this afternoon of course, but I will be glad when it's done.
No, I'm not looking forward to the administration of the shot itself this afternoon of course, but I will be glad when it's done.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Rough day today but grateful anyway
This morning my kid wasn't feeling well and I hated pushing her to go to school. Once she saw the snow though she was eager to get ready and go. At work things have been up and down all day. Around 3:30pm the power went out at my desk, and it probably won't come back on before I leave.
I'm GRATEFUL that today of all days I brought my laptop with me so that I am able to connect to the internet at least. I called my husband and asked him how to hook up the wire since the one I was trying wasn't working. Wireless should also have been an option but for some reason it wasn't working. Anyway I'm grateful for being able to post this, although maybe I should be reading a book instead. I am grateful I have a husband who was able to help me with this too.
It has been cold this week, but there is beauty. I saw a couple of photographers taking pictures on my morning commutes, and last night I saw a fox run away on my way home. There is beauty where I live and I am grateful for that.
I am grateful that the balloon boy story was just a hoax. It's nice to be wrong sometimes, and I'm glad that it was a case of whacked, publicity seeking parents and not a real case of a dead kid.
Now the power is back on so I should wrap this up. Have a good weekend all!
I'm GRATEFUL that today of all days I brought my laptop with me so that I am able to connect to the internet at least. I called my husband and asked him how to hook up the wire since the one I was trying wasn't working. Wireless should also have been an option but for some reason it wasn't working. Anyway I'm grateful for being able to post this, although maybe I should be reading a book instead. I am grateful I have a husband who was able to help me with this too.
It has been cold this week, but there is beauty. I saw a couple of photographers taking pictures on my morning commutes, and last night I saw a fox run away on my way home. There is beauty where I live and I am grateful for that.
I am grateful that the balloon boy story was just a hoax. It's nice to be wrong sometimes, and I'm glad that it was a case of whacked, publicity seeking parents and not a real case of a dead kid.
Now the power is back on so I should wrap this up. Have a good weekend all!
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