Thursday, July 26, 2012

Acceptance... of ourselves

Acceptance. I am thinking about this word a lot lately. I'm not sure if it's big enough to describe what I'm thinking on. I think about acceptance in that I have to accept that there are addicts in my life. I have to accept the 3 Cs (didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, can't Control it). I also think about that I have to Accept that I'm not perfect. No one is. All I can do is keep trying.

I've been working on my weight loss for 700 days now, 23 months just about. I still haven't gotten down to my goal weight but I joined an online community for strength and support and I'm about halfway there. Halfway there and a year behind schedule. Sound familiar? I realized that I was using my Al-Anon skills in my weight loss program and I feel a little proud of myself for making that happen. I am applying the principles in all my affairs. Yay!

So how about this one... this is a tough one, maybe especially for Adult Children of Alcoholics, but I imagine it's tough for a lot of folks.. I can accept that I'm GOOD. I'm good at writing. I'm good at motivating other people. I'm a good co-leader of one my local weight loss groups. I'm a good role model for my daughter and for other people. I might even be a good photographer, but I think I need more practice before I go that far.

Anyway, I can accept a compliment. I'm still humble I think, but I don't have to put myself down. I don't have to say "Oh I haven't reached my goal so it doesn't matter....". I've lost 35 pounds in 2 years. That does matter. I'm doing well, and thank you for saying so.

I hope I'm a good blogger too, and I hope that you out there realize that if you stick with whatever you are doing, like Al-Anon, you can make it work. Accept that.

Friday, July 20, 2012

and we go forth into the world

I gave blood today and ran into someone who I used to know at Al-Anon meetings. He was in my "home group". I don't go there anymore as I have moved, changed jobs, and changed relationships. I used to work near his house too doing human service work in a home. I would see his wife out walking and I probably got to know her better than I knew him. She went to meetings too, sometimes more than he did. The A in their lives was his first wife, mother of his child(ren?).

So I saw him today while we were both giving blood. We were both top of the line. He was #2 and I was #4. He remembered that he knew me, but he didn't remember my name or remember why he knew me. When he asked how we knew each other I said that it wasn't from work it was from town. I led him to believe it was from his neighborhood. I didn't mention the meetings in the church basement. I didn't ask about his ex-wife. He didn't mention her. It was a long time ago anyway, and there is that word "anonymous" too. We were acquaintances once, and I really liked his current wife. I asked about her and was pleased to hear how well she's done for herself. Then when we were done and my recovery time was up I walked away. Not sure if I'll ever see him again.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

not quite serenity but acceptance maybe

Funny how time passes. Has it really been 3 months sine I've written? My mother is still in Florida only by now she's changed her address. She moved across the street. She went from a 2-bedroom with no balcony to a 1-bedroom with a balcony. Naturally she had to sell some things to afford the paperwork for the move. Naturally her boyfriend and his friends helped her. She met her boyfriend through a former neighbor at her old place. Her boyfriend's mother lived there and introduced her. I think part of the reason for the move was probably to get away from the mother. Anyway my mother's health issues continue. I think at this point she may have kidney disease or something but it's hard to know for sure. She's undergoing some testing and my understanding is she's been in and out of the hospital quite a bit lately. Hasn't stopped her from an occasional motorcycle ride though, without a helmet. I just hope she's not the one doing the driving. Live and Let Live, right? It is so much easier to do that with her being in Florida than it was when she was here in Massachusetts.

Minding my own business... I think I mentioned previously that I reunited with my former foster sister. We found each other through Facebook. This past weekend my daughter and I visited her home for her daughter's birthday party. It was a pool party and my daughter had a great time. Even though we didn't know anyone but our hosts my daughter put a smile on and was determined and able to have a great time. I was very proud of her. The following day I returned to pick up what I had left behind by accident the day before. This time I went by myself and I had the opportunity to meet my foster sister's adoptive parents. I'm not sure how many people are as blessed as I am to have this happen in my life. This woman was my sister for four years, and was ripped away from my life because of my mother's abuse to her. I never got another sister and I cried through therapy for a long time and never really "got over it". I feel extremely blessed that after about 30 years we are in touch, and I am grateful that she is doing so well. She had rough start in life. I am glad that she finally got the loving family she deserved, a happy marriage, and two great kids and all of it. I didn't abuse her I don't think so I can't exactly make amends, but I can do my part to let her know that I care and that she wasn't the only one who was abused etc. We had four years together, and four years in my 41 years (and counting) may not seem like much, but I am grateful I had them.

Accept what has happened in the past. We cannot change it. All we can do is make sure that for today, for right now we do the best that we can. Every day I am trying to do that.

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