Patience

I am a lefty. On February 16th I broke my elbow and messed up my wrist, on my left arm. So typing is hard right now. I can't eat left-handed, can't brush my own hair, can't do a lot of things I want to do. It is two more long weeks before I go back to the doctor to see if I will be rollerskating with my daughter in time for her birthday. I have to let go of my expectations on that one I know. It is hard. I am hopeful but I cannot know what will be said.

In the meantime I am practicing all those things I need to practice. Let go.

Be well friends.

Breathe in... breathe out

This is one of those times that I'm caught off guard. I didn't expect this to be so hard and yet here I am. My husband and I are pulling at each other. I am constantly reminded by myself and by him to detach and let go. This time it's letting go of my husband. We have a home repair project that as I write this is probably underway at least a little bit. My husband is in charge and is doing most of the work himself. However I keep butting in. "Shouldn't you be doing this? Did you think about that....?"  and his reply "Do you trust me or not honey? I told you I can do this, now get out of my way and let me do this. You have your own list..."

and he's right of course. My job is to stay out of his way for the yesterday and today. Then tomorrow I take orders and help out as needed. Then Saturday and Sunday my job is to keep the child away from the house and entertained. I got to pick the hotel at least. :-)

Today my husband called me at work a few times and told me of the "discoveries" he was making. Added layers of work, added money to be spent at the big orange store, added time spent doing the work.

I plan to leave our house on Friday afternoon, after helping him for the day. On Monday I hope to return to a functioning home, that functions the way that it does today with all the things working. In the meantime I need to be practicing and practicing my letting go and letting god, my detaching, trust, the serenity prayer, and living one hour at a time.

Of course it doesn't end there either. On Saturday and Sunday I'll be mostly in "single parent mode" and I will be negotiating with our child what we will do, where we will spend our time, where we will eat, etc. It will be a seesaw ride of trying to keep her busy while not wearing myself out too much. She's got more energy than I do I think, and it can be hard to keep up.  :-)

It's all worth it if things go well, and if things don't go well... well I don't want to think about that yet. I just need to get through the rest of this afternoon first. This moment, here, this blog post, etc.

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Today's Attitude of Gratitude

Today I am grateful that although I am in extreme pain this week, the pain will eventually end. I am grateful to not have to live with constant pain, the way my husband does. I am grateful for the chance to gain perspective without having to live with it forever (I hope!).

I am also grateful that the tow truck I saw this morning was not for our car. I am grateful that the driver was fine, and apparently the damage to the car was minimum. I am grateful that my husband had patience, and did not drive across the lawn of the nearby home, as some other drivers were doing. I am grateful that we were able to show our daughter patience, and that it seemed to pay off. We were powerless and we knew it. We don't always have the opportunities to show her things like that.

I am grateful for a sunny day, even if I can't be outside. I think days like this improve everyone's moods, even as I sit her cringing with the pain.

First Things First

A long weekend is ahead of us, but before I can get there, I still have an hour left at work. I have a "to do" list at work and at home, and it is nagging me. I have to keep reminding myself to just take things one step at a time, and do "first things first". It's going to be a challenge. Usually writing lists helps me with this, but so far I haven't had time to put things down on paper so most of it is still in my head. Phone calls to be made, bills to be paid, friends and relatives to visit... in the meantime, I have a pile of books to sort and process before the day is over.

The weekend does involve visits with both my parents, separately, a trend I am going to be faced with over the holidays as well. Scheduling things in a way that does not overwhelm my husband or my daughter is tricky since their thresholds are low. Patience from everybody will be key.

First the tape, then the lines, then take things one at a time, and with that my sanity will be restored.

Have a good weekend all! I might not post again until Tuesday.