Mom passed away

I almost had trouble finding this blog this morning. I always think of it as "Waiting For the Other Shoe to Fall" which I think is what the URL is.  "Tari's Steps".....

I created "Tari" because Al-Anon is supposed to be anonymous and how do you write anonymously? Eventually I stopped trying to switch back and forth and owned this blog as myself, Rebecca.

Anyway... things got worse for mom after she got into the new apartment in 2017. She didn't get the services she needed and when she did get services she often pushed them away. As her health declined her weight went down and she ended up dirty because she was too weak to stand in the shower. She couldn't get laundry done and her mind was going.

Eventually VITAS, a hospice agency, stepped in and got her to a nursing home for the last few weeks of her life. She didn't want to go. Even when she could no longer walk she was trying to escape.  It was a sad situation.

I managed to get to Florida before she died and I spent the last few days at her bedside, and the nights crying alone in my hotel room. She knew I was there in the end and I made sure she was comfortable.

She didn't die in a horrific DUI accident. She didn't die from an accidental drug overdose. She didn't die in any of the crazy ways I thought she might.  She died scared and confused, and in pain. Except I let them give her drugs to take away all that so when she went she was at peace.

Cause of death was anorexia and end-stage COPD. It wasn't the drinking that killed her. It was the smoking and not eating. I've never seen a person as thin as she was. I guess hospice people see it all the time. It was the saddest thing I'd ever seen.

I forgave her when she said she was sorry for the choices she had made. I hope that gave her peace. I'll have to keep reminding myself of the Serenity Prayer and remind myself I did the best I could for her. She wasn't easy.

Of course I'll continue to carry the message of Al-Anon in other parts of my life as well.

For the purposes of this blog though.. the shoe has fallen. I need to gather up the last of her things in Florida, decide what to keep and what to let go, and then I need to go back north and reunite mom with her parents.

Thank you all for your years of readership. May you never walk in my shoes. Feel free to leave a comment or send an email or whatever you like. I won't take the blog down but I guess this is goodbye.

May you all find peace.

Rebecca