stuck in my own head

I've been stuck in my own head lately. I've tried reading books, and talking to friends, but I keep coming back to the "what ifs" and all the other things that seem to poison my mind. I got an argument over nothing with my husband yesterday and blamed it on PMS. It didn't matter though, the apology didn't matter. He was hurt, I was wrong, and he took our daughter and left for a few hours. I had more time to myself, more time to stew in my own head, not a good time.

This morning the child was troublesome, but he and I were back on the same page again. I'm grateful for this. I don't like it when we get misaligned. I'm still off somewhere though, and trying to find my way back to the present. I'm not sure why.

Choose to Think Positive!

I was doing one of my readings this morning and it was about THINK, and I thought "oh, that's a good one! I need to do that. I need to slow down and listen more..."

Then on the way in this morning I was thinking about how excited I am for some of our plans this weekend and I know my husband is not excited. I wonder how my daughter will feel? Will I have to explain to her why her daddy is not happy? What will I say? (A lot of "what if's" in there!!!).. anyway I decided that I would say "I am choosing to be happy..."

My father told me that once when my grandmother was depressed. He said "She will be happy when she chooses to be happy, or she won't. You can't make her happy...."  It's so true. I can't make my husband happy about going to a party or doing things, but I can choose to be happy myself. (Back to working my program, and not working his, etc...).

When I got to work there were some coworkers celebrating and leaving work early. A great lead-in to a 3-day weekend. The sun is shining today, my daughter is excited about Valentine's Day, and people are choosing to be happy. A great start to my work day, and I've managed to keep my mood up all day. When I start to slip down, I put the headphones on or I get up from my desk and go for a quick walk around. Only an hour left, and it's working so far.

So my words to live by this weekend are "Choose to think positive" because there is just so much in that for me.

Happy Valentine's Day, Happy President's Day, Happy Chinese New Year.... whatever you celebrate, have fun!!

Working my own program

I was getting caught up on some shows on Biography last night, and one of them happened to be an interview with Tim Allen on "Shatner's Raw Nerve". The shows are only a portion of a longer interview that is viewable online, however I haven't taken the time to watch the full-length versions yet. Anyway, Tim Allen talked a little bit about his recovery from drugs and alcohol and mentioned that he was running his own race. It doesn't matter what the other drivers are doing, it only matters on what he is doing for himself. He was a race car driver for 6 years, on top of doing his tv show full-time, and he never won a race, but he had fun doing it. He said he applies his racing philosophies to a lot of other parts of his life, but his racing philosophies also were said in AA terms. Shatner recognized this right away, and they talked a bit more about it. Come to think of it, several of Shatner's guests talk about addiction and recovery. It's amazing how widespread the diseases of addiction are sometimes.

The reminder of "running my own race" is a good one though. In Al-Anon we are reminded to work our own program, and not worry about the qualifier in our life. I need to work more on this. I know it's what Al-Anon is all about, but I get distracted sometimes. My husband sometimes want to help each other out, and that's okay, but I have to be careful in life in general to remember to mind my own business sometimes. Tim Allen's interview with William Shatner was a good reminder of that.

Feeling better

I posted my last post yesterday during my lunch break at work. As the afternoon progressed I eventually was able to "Let Go and Let God". Indeed the opinions of others are not what matters. It is myself that matters, and I cannot let hurtful words from online friends control me. By the end of the day I had let it go and it wasn't bothering me anymore. Today I feel at peace. I know that I can choose when to listen, and when to walk away. I always have that choice. I am reminding myself of choices now today too.

My husband is tired today. He had a business meeting last night and had to go into work early this morning. However the business meeting was his choice. If he is tired today it is because of the choices he made, and he knows that. I am doing well today to mind my own business and not try to "fix" things for him. That's not easy for me, but I'm doing it one minute, one hour, one step at a time.