You may notice that the url for this blog is
http://waitingfortheothershoetofall.blogspot.com/
read that again... waiting for the other shoe to fall ...
right now it's slipping. Imagine if you will a high heeled shoe or a sandal and it's starting to slide off.
That's where we are now.
She's still in Florida. She decided to move across the state even though she didn't have the money to do it. She borrowed. She gave notice on where she was that she'd be out. She hadn't been accepted into the place that she wanted to move into. She just had faith that it would all work out.
As I write this she's in a hotel with a moving truck parked out front. Her 2 cats are probably in her hotel room with her. She borrowed more money. It's not mine. She's hoping that tomorrow she'll be able to move into the place that she wants.
She can't go to a homeless shelter because she's on oxygen and needs a power supply for that. Plus she has 2 cats that she doesn't want to let go of. She doesn't have a car. All of her possessions are in that moving truck right now and she's got no where to go.
We're holding our breath. Her cousin is helping her for a few days but I'm not sure for how long. They don't get along great but her cousin has compassion. They are family after all.
She did this. It's her choice. I can't fix it. I didn't cause it. I still love her but this is her mess. Damn that's hard. If she gets housing and gets stable then I'll go see her at the end of June, as I planned to do. I'm not running down there any sooner. There's nothing I can do anyway. If this doesn't work out I don't know what's going to happen. The not knowing is a killer. You can see the labels that I am giving this post. There's a lot going on in my head right now. A lot of things that don't have words.
No one wants to be homeless. No one wants to be addicted. No one wants to be sick. These aren't things that anyone wishes on themselves or others and yet here we are.
I see the homeless in my community standing in the traffic median with a cardboard sign asking for money. Will this be her in Florida in a month? I don't know. I think if that becomes her she will die because oxygen tanks and homelessness don't mix.
Here we are.
Waiting.
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Monday, May 1, 2017
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Making choices - attitude of gratitude or comparing myself with others
Every day I have choices to make. As I posted yesterday I can be grumpy when my daughter wakes me up or I can be compassionate.
Today's choice- Focus on the positive with an Attitude of Gratitude or focus on the negative and compare myself with others. The choice is obvious what I SHOULD do, but it's not always easy. Sometimes misery loves company, and people like good gossip.
I work with a coworker who has a lot of issues in her life. The rest of us suspect drug addiction to prescriptions as being one of those issues. Yesterday she was allowed to sleep on the job, again. I'm still bitter about this. I have a right to be bitter I think, however I can't change anything and it doesn't help my life to obsess about it.
On the flip side, I saw two wonderful things in nature yesterday. In the morning, we saw a deer cross the road in front of our car. My daughter didn't get a great look because she was in the back seat, but she did see it. Then around 6pm we saw a rainbow. We went to Trader Joe's to get a few things, and as we got out of the car we saw this beautiful rainbow that went right over the store. Amazing. By the time we got done shopping, it was gone. We were all a little awed by its presence, and I felt that my day had begun and ended on happy notes with nature. This is what I need to focus on. These are gifts from my Higher Power, and worth living for.
Today's choice- Focus on the positive with an Attitude of Gratitude or focus on the negative and compare myself with others. The choice is obvious what I SHOULD do, but it's not always easy. Sometimes misery loves company, and people like good gossip.
I work with a coworker who has a lot of issues in her life. The rest of us suspect drug addiction to prescriptions as being one of those issues. Yesterday she was allowed to sleep on the job, again. I'm still bitter about this. I have a right to be bitter I think, however I can't change anything and it doesn't help my life to obsess about it.
On the flip side, I saw two wonderful things in nature yesterday. In the morning, we saw a deer cross the road in front of our car. My daughter didn't get a great look because she was in the back seat, but she did see it. Then around 6pm we saw a rainbow. We went to Trader Joe's to get a few things, and as we got out of the car we saw this beautiful rainbow that went right over the store. Amazing. By the time we got done shopping, it was gone. We were all a little awed by its presence, and I felt that my day had begun and ended on happy notes with nature. This is what I need to focus on. These are gifts from my Higher Power, and worth living for.
This is from Pink Sherbet on Flickr
Monday, October 5, 2009
It's a 24/7 thing!
Some people go to church for an hour on Sunday, call themselves "Christian" and then act in ways that are very unChristian the rest of the week. I remember calling my father out on this once when I was a kid. Sunday morning was church and Sunday school, and Sunday afternoon he was swearing. I knew that wasn't right. Swearing is kind of minor though, right? And he probably had a reason for it.
Many, many years ago I used to date a guy who I ended up working with. We both worked in human services, and once we took our client on vacation. We were working 24/7 for a week, even if we weren't always technically getting paid, we were still on the job. Once I caught my boyfriend early in the morning in a cranky mood. I was shocked. I didn't realize that he had an "on/off switch" regarding our client. I thought his upbeat personality was natural and easy. I didn't realize he was faking it for the job. I learned that week though. It was tough on both of us to be "on" 24/7, but we made it.
But where I'm going with this is that Al-Anon isn't just for when I am at the meeting, or when I'm reading the book, or when I'm interacting with the alcoholics and addicts in my life. It's 24/7. I need to always be practicing my program, and that means at 4am or 5am or 6am, when my 3 year old wakes me up, I need to use my program.
I didn't use profanity, but I wasn't at all compassionate for the kid either. Apologies won't help. She's not going to understand that even though mommy is a light sleeper anyway, trying to be reasonable with me at that hour is nearly impossible. She's only 3. She doesn't need to understand or have compassion for me. It's my job to understand and have compassion for her. I'm the parent, she's the kid, that's the way it is. Next time I'll try to do better. Nobody's perfect, and excuses and apologies can't undo the hurt from my words. When I'm awake at those hours I do not want to be bothered, period, but she's a kid. She's not an adult, she's got a free pass to ignore those boundaries of mine. She woke up, she needed a parent, and I should have been nicer. Next time I hope I am.
Many, many years ago I used to date a guy who I ended up working with. We both worked in human services, and once we took our client on vacation. We were working 24/7 for a week, even if we weren't always technically getting paid, we were still on the job. Once I caught my boyfriend early in the morning in a cranky mood. I was shocked. I didn't realize that he had an "on/off switch" regarding our client. I thought his upbeat personality was natural and easy. I didn't realize he was faking it for the job. I learned that week though. It was tough on both of us to be "on" 24/7, but we made it.
But where I'm going with this is that Al-Anon isn't just for when I am at the meeting, or when I'm reading the book, or when I'm interacting with the alcoholics and addicts in my life. It's 24/7. I need to always be practicing my program, and that means at 4am or 5am or 6am, when my 3 year old wakes me up, I need to use my program.
I didn't use profanity, but I wasn't at all compassionate for the kid either. Apologies won't help. She's not going to understand that even though mommy is a light sleeper anyway, trying to be reasonable with me at that hour is nearly impossible. She's only 3. She doesn't need to understand or have compassion for me. It's my job to understand and have compassion for her. I'm the parent, she's the kid, that's the way it is. Next time I'll try to do better. Nobody's perfect, and excuses and apologies can't undo the hurt from my words. When I'm awake at those hours I do not want to be bothered, period, but she's a kid. She's not an adult, she's got a free pass to ignore those boundaries of mine. She woke up, she needed a parent, and I should have been nicer. Next time I hope I am.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)