Service

Well the dinner with my dad actually went okay. My dad and I exchanged books which was fun. He gave us many more than I gave him, but that's okay. My daughter's behavior was not perfect, but no one was too upset and the restaurant was pretty empty by the time we left anyway so no harm done there.

Last night I went to a new writer's group. Unfortunately the only ones who showed up was me and the facilitator. The thought of whether to stay or go crossed my mind many times over the 90 minutes that I stayed. Whether to return next week is still a question. If I go and I am the only one there again, will I feel like I am wasting the other person's time? If I don't go and no one else does either, how will she feel then? Honestly, I could write at home I think, especially after my daughter goes to bed. So why should I go for my own sake? I am happy that my local library is providing the space for this group, but if no one else comes then what good is it?

Believe it or not this leads me to "Service". The Facilitator of the group is also on the "Friends of the Library" board and immediately launched into me a spiel about how I should get involved with the group. I held my tongue and did not mention that we do give money to the library as often as we can. I did let myself mention that my daughter was still a little too young for most of the programs that the library offers. We do check out books and DVDs and request things through ILL, but we don't attend most of the programs that are offered.

Anyway, being of service... and how we do that. At our preschool we have chosen not to be on the Board of whatever, although we have been offered a spot. We discuss it every time we are offered and have declined so far. We do GIVE money and time. We do volunteer to help out with things, but we don't want to be on the Board. We give the service that we are comfortable with, and I hope the teachers and director are happy with that.

We also give money and items to other charities of our choice, including more than one library. So I feel like we are being Of Service, and as our daughter grows and our schedules change and our life changes there are things on my list that I hope to be Of Service to in the future. We do what we can. So why do I feel like I'm not doing enough? I guess when I hear a plea like the ones I hear I feel a little guilt, but when I talk to my husband he reassures me that we are fine. We do more than many folks do, and I should not dismiss the impact we are making in ways that not everyone sees. Sometimes when we are of service we do it anonymously, and that's worth something to all too.

Remember when you hear the calls to volunteer you don't have to sign up for something big. If you pick up the trash you find on your daily walk, then you are being of service. If you watch out for the kids who are playing in the street while mom and dad are busy talking on the phone or making dinner, then you are being of service. You don't have to give a million dollars or attend 40 hour weeks of meetings to be doing what needs done.

We give. We give a little here and a little there, and it all adds up.

the good and the bad

Of course my mother called yesterday, while I was at work. Some drama about her surgery being canceled, and please call her when I'm calm and have time.... so last night wasn't the night to call her because I didn't have time. Personally I never put her surgery on my calendar anyway because I didn't think it would happen. Her medical appointments are drama after drama after drama. I do my best not to listen, not to get sucked in, because most of it is just bulls--- and lies. Or maybe false hopes? The toxin of an addict.

It's still hanging over my head that I need to call her back. I don't know if it will happen tonight.

I am grateful that I got to my union meeting today. It wasn't a great meeting or anything, but it felt good to be in a room with adults, talking, and having a conversation about things that matter to some people, even if I don't always agree. They are looking for volunteers to do service. When I heard this, a voice in my head said "Maybe", but I'm pretty sure our department is already over represented. I also thought "I'd rather be doing service in Al-Anon". I know there are hour long meetings on campus twice/week, but my lunch is only half-hour long. Not sure how I could make it work.