practicing in all our affairs

Many thanks to the blogger over at Calm Acceptance today. Patty gave me the words I was looking for a few days ago. I am trying to use what I have learned in Al-Anon by "to practice that principle in all my affairs"..

Thank you Patty!

http://calmacceptance.blogspot.com/

"Keep Coming Back"

"Keep Coming Back". Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep showing up. In AA it's one day at a time and you put those days together. In Al-Anon we keep coming back. I went to one group one day when I was in a crisis mode. I think it was my first ever Al-Anon meeting. The topic that day was "balance" and I cried. I couldn't always get to that meeting, but I've gone off and on since to that group. I might try to change my work schedule AGAIN when things settle down a bit with my daughter so that I can go to that meeting again some day. The trick is in figuring out how to get it approved with my boss. Hmm... something to think about.

Anyway, I have been applying the "Keep Coming Back" thing with my weight loss. I use a website to track my calories and fitness. I participate in "teams" and I try to check in daily on the "chats" and "huddles". I "keep coming back". Some days I go over my calories. Some days I don't do my exercise. Some weeks I don't lose any weight (I even...gasp.. gain weight occasionally)... but I KEEP COMING BACK. I've been doing it for a year now. I'm not where I had hoped to be, but I've lost about 30 pounds that I've kept off. So I know that for me it works. If I skip a day or two I feel "off". Consistency matters more than perfection.

This is something that I learned in Al-Anon. I may not be perfect, but if I keep going back I will get better.

Image by happy_serendipity via Flickr

I think I might be back here for a while...

Hi everybody!! I hope some of you are still with me. It's been a few months since I last posted.

If you've been in a 12-step program like AA or Al-Anon for a while then hopefully you have figured out that this 12-step stuff follows you EVERYWHERE!!! At least I hope it does!

I thought I would end this blog when my alcoholic parent moved away. It's a lot easier to maintain boundaries and detachments when I don't drive by her apartment on a weekly basis. However I have been aware that the concepts I learned from Al-Anon are helpful for me in other parts of my life as well. So I've decided that I am coming back to blog some more. You probably won't see me posting as much about my mother as I used to, but hopefully I will be able to post about how I am using the coping skills I learned from Al-Anon in other parts of my life such as my marriage, my job, parenting my child, losing weight, and whatever else I feel the urge to tie in.

A week ago New England, and elsewhere along the East Coast was hit by a storm named "Irene". I was fortunate. We had been camping in the White Mountains of New Hampshire before the storm hit, and decided to come home Saturday evening. We drove through Vermont and came back to Western Mass. The rain was already starting when we pulled into our driveway. We never lost power although we did lose internet for a while. From the comfort of my living room I learned of the devastation that hit near and far. Campgrounds that we had camped at last summer, covered bridges that we had photographed in July, the highway that we had traveled on just two days ago... and then closer to home, Shelburne Falls and the Bridge of Flowers nearly destroyed, my old apartment building in Greenfield, MA flooded! The current tenants are in a hotel now I think.... but I was spared. I said the Serenity Prayer a lot. There was little I could do. I was told to stay home, stay off the roads, and stay out of the way. I still haven't gone to see the damage in person. I'd like to, but I am also trying to be respectful to those who are doing the work and those who have lost their homes, businesses, farms, and streets. Although most of the power is back on there are still many who are homeless, and many roads that are closed.

My husband has detached. He knows he is powerless. I know I am powerless too, but I am still saddened by what has happened, and quite a bit awestruck too. I want to help. I want to get to those places and take pictures to show my child for when she gets older. I am curious... but it's not my problem. I can't control it. I can't fix it. I am remembering my Cs... so I am staying out of the way for a little longer. These things will take months to rebuild. There is time later to talk to folks and in the meantime I say my thanks and say my prayers to my higher powers.

Next week fittingly enough I plan to go to a church service. The congregation is doing something on water. It will be 9/11, but the focus won't be on that history for that service. The focus will be on coming together as a community because they have all been on a summer hiatus for a few weeks. I will bring my daughter and introduce her to new people. I hope that she likes it and will want to return in the weeks that follow. In doing this I hope to introduce her to a greater sense of a higher power. I know she has a small one, but I want to help her build on that now that she is starting Kindergarten. So maybe I will have something to say about all of that some time too.

celebrating sobriety

An online friend of mine is celebrating a year of being sober. She posted about it here--


http://www.trainstutusandteatime.com/2011/01/365-days.html?showComment=1296058947108#c102257722679923734

Feel free to drop her a line and lend your support.  :-)

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

-------------------------

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

(Although known most widely in its abbreviated form above,
the entire prayer reads as follows:)

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
The Full Original Copy of the Serenity Prayer
by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.
-------------------------------

http://www.thevoiceforlove.com/serenity-prayer.html

"Broken Promises, Mended Fences" by Richard Meryman

Feeling a little stuck on what to post about today, so I wandered the book stacks in the university library. I know where to find the AA books and that's where I went. I came across this book called "Broken Promises, Mended Fences" by Richard Meryman. It's a good book. Looks like no one has checked it out from the library in a long, long time. Copyright says 1984, but it covers a classic topic and seemed timeless when I read it. I am not going to check out the library copy, but I might pick up a copy on Amazon. Used copies are cheap. It's about recovery, alcoholics, an alcoholic mother, etc... living with the disease of alcoholism. And it's true, a real story, with real people.

The reviews on Amazon say this--

"By A Customer
This is not a book about Alcoholism. It is a book about Recovery. The true story of Abby Andrews is a unique and moving testament of hope ... an inspiring account of one woman's struggle for her life - and of her family's loyalty and overriding love - in her fight against alcohol dependency. Sometimes shocking, often exhilarating, it is the vivid odyssey of Aby's painful ascent from her own private hell to the small daily triumphs of recovery...
Comment Comment | Permalink | Was this review helpful to you? Yes No (Report this)


3.0 out of 5 stars Life Without Alcohol..., February 3, 2007
By Betty Burks "Betty Burks" (Knoxville, TN) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Broken Promises (Paperback)
This book about recovery from alcoholism appealed to me as someone I value is such a drinker and I wish he would seek help. Life without alcohol isn't dull like your senses are if you drink even locally made beer. It is not dark and gloomy. With clear thinking and not a befuddled mind, the recovered alcoholic will see that the world can be beautiful, people are better-looking (you can learn a lot by people-watching on the buses when you're alert and interested), and you can hold your head up and actually smile back. Some people will talk to you when you do that. This person I knows pretends to listen but his senses are dulled by a hangover, and he ofttimes doesn't even remember seeing you at all. He certainly can't remember what you said and gets on the defensive.

This story about Abby, a woman with alcohol problems, is truthful (not opinions) even though it sometimes hurts to admit the truth. Thoose addicted to any kind of drug can identify and receive hope that, with help from professionals, they too can lead a normal life. Throughout life, you will be the recipient of many broken promises; the longer you life, they multiply because older people still have hopes for love and affection. They're more vunerable to con men after their money, and the majority have no savings and must depend on government aid just to have a place to live. They're not like the homeless who want everything given to them. The poor elderly desire help from their successful children who lead a good life. Sons are too busy to visit, to help with health needs, to just "be there" for you.

Mended dreams is possible for anyone who will look for them. Life takes us in different directions and anyone can learn new skills such as expression, public speaking, networking, dreaming for reality fulfillment, as you concentrate on raising your children. Everyone dreams of glory, but not through the child's successes, in life to make it worth living. All we can do at times is keep up the good fight; something will come along eventually to make us see that what we did in all of life's seasons led us to victory over Satan's efforts to fool us into isolation from the world. Mended Dreams come to you without seeking help in a doctor's office. God in His Mysterious Ways works wonders for those who believe. "

Here's a link in case you are thinking about getting a copy for yourself, and if Better World Books has it, I recommend them. Great cause to support.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316567841/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&seller=

If that doesn't work, try this one--

http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Promises-Richard-Meryman/dp/0425092933/ref=tmm_pap_title_sr