Getting caught up again

Thank you Syd and others for reading and posting while I've been away! I just spent some time trying to get caught up on many of your blogs, and although I didn't comment, I did visit and tried to absorb what was there. I'm not a speed reader so there is only so much I can do. Thank you all for posting on your blogs and taking away some of the "alone feeling" that I get sometimes.

Today I had an event to attend across campus. I detoured on the way back to see an old friend who I had not seen in years. This campus is a big place, and we all get locked into our routines and our places. It wasn't easy to make that detour, but I was glad I did. It was nice to see a friendly face.


Today the kid went back to school, and we both got to go to work. I did miss her today, but it was nice to be in the old routines that we have. I'm looking forward to Easter, still scared on money, and wishing today was Friday. Aren't we all? The sun is out, and although the worries are there, I'm trying to think positive.


Be well all.

Today's Attitude of Gratitude

Today I am grateful that although I am in extreme pain this week, the pain will eventually end. I am grateful to not have to live with constant pain, the way my husband does. I am grateful for the chance to gain perspective without having to live with it forever (I hope!).

I am also grateful that the tow truck I saw this morning was not for our car. I am grateful that the driver was fine, and apparently the damage to the car was minimum. I am grateful that my husband had patience, and did not drive across the lawn of the nearby home, as some other drivers were doing. I am grateful that we were able to show our daughter patience, and that it seemed to pay off. We were powerless and we knew it. We don't always have the opportunities to show her things like that.

I am grateful for a sunny day, even if I can't be outside. I think days like this improve everyone's moods, even as I sit her cringing with the pain.

Boundaries again

I managed to carve out 10 minutes to call my mom last night. I thanked her for the apple orchard idea and told her of our adventures with my father-in-law. She started in the "I haven't seen you in so long" stuff, and I told her the truth, well some of it anyway. I told her that after being long distance for 7 years she shouldn't just expect us to suddenly be close. We have lives, we have things to do, and yeah, I'm tired. I've been busy for the past week, haven't done grocery shopping yet, etc. I'm not ready to run over to her apartment. She said something about having Abby come over and make cookies or something. I pleaded to her to not push because I'd give her a negative answer in my current mood.

The thing is.. she's never going to "get it". She's never going to understand that even if she isn't smoking, there is enough smoke smell in her apartment to trigger an asthma attack for me and for my kid. I don't feel like bringing my daughter over there. It's not healthy for her. My kid is on enough meds as it is for asthma and allergy problems, I'm not going to purposely bring her into that apartment just to visit. I did it a couple of times when my mom first moved up here in July, but it was summer, we could have windows and doors open. Now it's cold out. It's not an option anymore. My mom has mobility issues so going somewhere like we did with my father-in-law really isn't an option for her either. I feel badly for my mom. She's up here, she's lonely, she's trying to be part of our lives, and I've got good reasons to reject her. Trying to find a way for her to have a relationship with us is very tricky. My husband wants nothing to do with her, and I don't blame him. I don't think I should force him to either. I'm not sure what to do about my daughter. On the one hand, she has a right to get to know her maternal grandmother, on the other hand her grandmother is sick on so many levels.

What to do? What to do? I keep giving it up in prayer and meditation to my higher power, but I'm not getting answers very quickly. Sigh.

Meanwhile there is a missing 6 year old in Colorado somewhere. Guess my life could be worse. Perspective.