Carrying Al-Anon with me in all of my affairs

I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. My daughter's birthday is coming up in less than a week, and it has definitely given me the opportunity to "practice it in all of my affairs".

Last week we had our first swimming lesson of the NEW swimming lessons. I had EXPECTATIONS. Oh boy! I had expectations that my daughter would adapt to a new teacher, a new time (by 30 minutes), and a new class. I spent a half hour of sheer insanity and frustration with her that night because she wasn't meeting MY expectations, because she wasn't doing things MY way. Sound familiar? How many times have we tried to control other people in our lives? Does it work? Do we keep trying anyway? Of course we do! LOL! After the failed lesson I talked to my spouse, and the next day I talked to a trusted friend, and then I LET GO, and I LET GOD. I reassessed my priorities, and thought about what was REALLY important, and you know what? It worked. I LET GO. We switched to a different class, back to her old teacher, and her old time slot. She's still moving upward from the class she had in March so she will be learning new skills. It is all going to work out fine. I just needed to LET GO so it could happen.

Now we are getting ready for the BIG BIRTHDAY PARTY. It's the first time we've invited so many kids, rented a space, and made a big deal out of it. It's costing us some money, time, and frustration. My biggest problem is that the parents aren't RSVPing on time. On some level I need those RSVPs so I can be ready for the party. I have to give a head-count the day before the party so setup can be done. However I also need to remember that the party is only 2 HOURS of my life! It is not worth going insane over. I need to check myself, and recheck myself. What are my expectations? What do I really need? If they get back to me tomorrow instead of today, is that okay? At what point do I draw the lines? So today, I am letting go. I am not calling anyone or nagging anyone. I have enough on my plate with other things. Tomorrow I will make phone calls if need be, but for today I am letting it go and handing it over and hoping that people have the decency to reach out to us. I wanted to know by yesterday, but I am hoping those that still need to RSVP will do it today on their own.

I am also managing my sanity by delegating. I asked my dad to be in charge of Easter lunch plans. I put my husband in charge of Easter Bunny stuff (hiding the eggs, getting the Easter basket, etc). I am devoting myself to the party, and all of the birthday business. I am letting those two take care of Easter.

I am really trying to MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE, LET GO, and control my EXPECTATIONS. It is one weekend, and by April 15th it will all be over hopefully. :-)

Enjoy your Easter/Passover weekend friends. May your Higher Power always be with you.

Merry Christmas!!

I'm holding onto my boundaries with people in my life. I took some extra time off from work because I was sick and because my daughter didn't have school so I feel like I am doing a decent job of putting family first so that's good too. I'm actually kind of relaxed going into Christmas, and I'm usually a stress case so this year... on December 23rd anyway... is better than it has been in the past.

Tomorrow we will see my mother. Plan is for lunch with her and then going to her apartment to exchange gifts. I hope it goes okay. It will have to be quick at her apartment because of the cats and the smoke but since she is recovering from surgery I thought it was fair that we went to her place, as long as we don't eat there. I hope I don't regret that tomorrow.

Anyway, no one is coming here so I don't have to clean. The gifts are wrapped, the groceries have been bought, everything has been done I think that needs done and I can't usually say that this far ahead. So all is good.

Now we just have to get through it. Merry Christmas everyone!!

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Coming soon-- photography

Thanks to digital cameras everyone lately seems to feel like they are a photographer. I got a new digital camera for Christmas, and it is finally one that it is in my comfort zone. Slowly I am learning how to use it, and slowly I am remembering to slip it in my pocket for every day things. As a result, I have some photos of the lake, of nature, of things that aren't my daughter, and things that are.

Soon I will post some of the nature and lake ones here. My bit to contribute to the serenity of my fellow readers and bloggers. I am not a photographer, I am a writer. I will claim that. Even when I cannot write every day as I know all GOOD writers must, I still claim it.

My love of the lake, my love of water, comes from my alcoholic mother. My mother who spends too much time in the sun, and doesn't use sunblock, and tans to colors likely to induce skin cancer.. she gave me the gift of loving the beach and of loving the water. I'm a terrible swimmer, and have a lifelong phobia of diving, but I love being in the water anyway. I am passing that love on to my daughter. For the past several days we have made trips to the 2 beaches that we can walk to. It's too cold for swimming, but we bring the sand toys and play. Yesterday we made a sand castle at the "little beach"; on the weekend we visited the "big beach". As spring continues it's quest for summer, I am enjoying these times of serenity with her. I know these years will pass by quickly, and I want to hold on to them for as long as I can.

The child's birthday is over, Easter is passed us, and taxes have finally been completed (whew!). We have some more big events coming our way in May; but for today, for tomorrow, and as long as the rain stays away, I am enjoying the outdoors and being a working mother as much as I can.

Just plugging along one day at a time....

I'm still at a standstill with my parents. My father isn't ready to make Christmas plans, and my mom is still calling every other day to find out what the plans will be. 2 weeks to go, and it's only a one day thing anyway. Oh well. Today I am trying to decide where to spend my time. I have a list of personal things that need doing, and I'd like to get out of work to do them. Unfortunately I haven't made a list, or written the list, which would really help me organize. I just keep putting that off. So I'm at work, doing some work, doing some of this, and some of that. We'll see how long I last.

We had our first snow day this week. Work didn't close, but preschool did. Both my husband and I decided to stay home with the child since the road wasn't plowed anyway. We played in the snow, burnt cookies, and watched too much tv. A perfect day! Well... I really wanted to clean the kitchen, make brownies, and wrap presents... but it wasn't about me. Maybe this afternoon I will take some time for me to get bills paid, shopping done, and stamps bought, and maybe just maybe pull out my netbook and put some updates or some games or something on that. We'll see.

First Things First

"First Things First" is a slogan that reminds me to take things one step at a time. Not just one day at a time, but to live in the moment, and slow down. It's easy to get ahead of ourselves.

The little voice in my head is saying "It's 4pm and after work I'm going to pick up the kid, and meet someone, and go out to dinner, and tomorrow we're going to do this and that, and the weather is going to be...." Whoooooa!

Right now I'm going to post this blog and drink some coffee. I still have an hour left of work and some work to do. Period. Right now my husband is probably resolving some last minute work crisis before our 3 day weekend begins. Right now my daughter is saying goodbye to a beloved teacher who is leaving her job after today to begin a new chapter in her life. Right now I am here.

First things First. Slow down. Take things one step at a time. It is way too easy to go too fast. A simple thing like "Get the kid ready for bed and get her to sleep" is really many steps, and I have to slow down. What if she's not ready to be done playing with her toys when the clock says she needs to brush her teeth? I can't just assume that I'm going to have my finger on the remote watching a baseball game at 9:30pm. I need to get there first.

So if I am going to enjoy the holiday weekend, I need to remember to slow down. Not everyone is listening to the same little voices in their head that I hear, and if they are, they are probably hearing different things. I need to think about what really matters, and cut out the stuff that doesn't. Do I really need to check my email on Monday morning and log into Facebook? Or is spending time with a loved one more important? Before I have dinner, I have to get to the restaurant safely first. I need to pay attention, live in the present, and enjoy the journey.

Happy weekend all. I probably won't post again until Tuesday.