Today is the last day of day camp for my daughter this summer. We will spend the next 10 days together until school starts on August 28th. I need to remind myself of my Al-Anon right now.
1. Keep it simple
2. Let go of expectations
3. Keep the focus on myself! This is especially true when dealing with my husband. I keep thinking of HIS to-do lists and I need to focus on MY OWN!!
4. Worrying is a waste of energy.
And truly if I focus on myself then I am happier. My mother has cancer again. My mother is upset that we are not coming to see her during this vacation time. These are my mother's problems, not mine. If I don't think about her problems I will be happier.
My husband has been sick. He has an infection and isn't cured yet. He is going to the doctor's office, taking his medication, etc. etc. He is taking care of himself. I should not waste my energy worrying. If I do not waste my energy worrying I am happier.
Today is payday. Today I will leave work early. Today I will try to find time to relax. Today I saw 2 herons and 2 deer on my way to work this morning at sunrise. Today I am happy.
One moment at a time. Right now I am happy, excited, maybe even manic. Keeping my focus on me is a good thing.
I need to do that in the next 10 days, and not let other people weigh me down.
Fall is coming. The cool mornings are already here. I am going to go and have a GREAT vacation before it gets cold again.
Be well my friends.
Showing posts with label Letting go of expectations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letting go of expectations. Show all posts
Friday, August 16, 2013
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
And we're off and into it!
Yes those early mornings started last week. My alarm goes off at 4:15am. I am awake when the newspaper carrier throws the paper up on the deck, using the house as a backboard. I hear the "thump" and turn on the light and retrieve the paper as his car pulls away. On Fridays I get up at 4:15 am anyway even though there is no reading class. If I'm doing it Monday-Thursday anyway I may as well do it on Fridays. I let the other two get an extra hour of sleep though, and use that time to myself. We have completed Week 1 of the schedule, and are in Week 2 now.
On Saturday we visited the local children's picture art museum, and on Sunday we visited the local living history museum. I didn't set the alarm clock on those mornings. We took our time leaving the house. They were still full days though.
The lawn will still be there when I have more time. Children keep growing though. I have a handwritten list of each week of summer with the two, three, or four activities that we have scheduled for the week. I check it off as we go along. I still haven't finished putting photos in my daughter's memory book from May and June. I just haven't had time. I will get there though, eventually. In the meantime we are halfway through July, on week four of summer camp. On Friday we will be at the halfway point. After week eight we get our BIG FAMILY VACATION. Still, I am trying to enjoy each week and not just think of it as biding time, checking off things on the list. Each day is important, or it should be. I try to pause, to listen, and to answer questions. Answer questions like "Why do some people get married and other people don't? How does that happen?" Because 7 will turn into 7 1/2 and then 8 and then 18 all too soon.
I know this just like 30 turned into 42, and how is it that my mother is now 63. When did that happen? It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating her turning 50, and now I'm closer to that milestone than she is. How did that happen?
Stay cool, enjoy the summer, and appreciate your moment in time. Let it go and leave your expectations at the door. That's what it is all about. Am I right, reader?
On Saturday we visited the local children's picture art museum, and on Sunday we visited the local living history museum. I didn't set the alarm clock on those mornings. We took our time leaving the house. They were still full days though.
The lawn will still be there when I have more time. Children keep growing though. I have a handwritten list of each week of summer with the two, three, or four activities that we have scheduled for the week. I check it off as we go along. I still haven't finished putting photos in my daughter's memory book from May and June. I just haven't had time. I will get there though, eventually. In the meantime we are halfway through July, on week four of summer camp. On Friday we will be at the halfway point. After week eight we get our BIG FAMILY VACATION. Still, I am trying to enjoy each week and not just think of it as biding time, checking off things on the list. Each day is important, or it should be. I try to pause, to listen, and to answer questions. Answer questions like "Why do some people get married and other people don't? How does that happen?" Because 7 will turn into 7 1/2 and then 8 and then 18 all too soon.
I know this just like 30 turned into 42, and how is it that my mother is now 63. When did that happen? It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating her turning 50, and now I'm closer to that milestone than she is. How did that happen?
Stay cool, enjoy the summer, and appreciate your moment in time. Let it go and leave your expectations at the door. That's what it is all about. Am I right, reader?
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Life goes on
Kind of difficult to follow up from that last post. Life goes on.
After the visit with my mother, my husband arrived in Tampa for the weekend. His mother did too. We spent two days as the four of us doing some touristy stuff. Then on Monday we flew home. I won't go into those details because this blog isn't about them. Every family has dynamics and the relationships here are their own.
Life goes on. After the Florida trip we had a quiet Mother's Day weekend. Then we zoomed through the last of the school year with day trips and special school events, and all of the normal things that happen in a normal family with a school child.
This week we began Summer Day Camp. The schedule is 2 weeks of camp, then 4 weeks of OH MY GOD IT'S TOO EARLY, and then 2 more weeks of camp. THEN we will get our vacation.
To expand on the OH MY GOD IT'S TOO EARLY bit.. For four weeks, Monday-Thursday my husband is going to have to bring our daughter to school for reading help BEFORE camp starts. On Fridays they get a break and can just go to camp. My daughter likes the teacher and is looking forward to seeing her for some one on one time. My husband and I have a... EXPECTATION that these days are not going to go smoothly. Sad, but true. We are doing what we should do to help our child, but we are dreading those mornings already and they are still over a week away. It starts July 8th.
So I am working on LETTING GO because I will already be at work when they hurry out of the house, and I will not be there at all for these early morning reading sessions. I will really not be involved at all except to get myself out of the way early enough in the morning so that they can get themselves up and out of the house in time for this. Really working on my Al-Anon here. It is completely beyond my control. It is none of my business. I can't control it, etc. etc.. It all comes into play I think. Applying my Al-Anon to something so simple and yet so stressful that hasn't even happened yet.
In the meantime in case I don't write, I hope you all have a Happy 4th of July!
May you find peace today.
After the visit with my mother, my husband arrived in Tampa for the weekend. His mother did too. We spent two days as the four of us doing some touristy stuff. Then on Monday we flew home. I won't go into those details because this blog isn't about them. Every family has dynamics and the relationships here are their own.
Life goes on. After the Florida trip we had a quiet Mother's Day weekend. Then we zoomed through the last of the school year with day trips and special school events, and all of the normal things that happen in a normal family with a school child.
This week we began Summer Day Camp. The schedule is 2 weeks of camp, then 4 weeks of OH MY GOD IT'S TOO EARLY, and then 2 more weeks of camp. THEN we will get our vacation.
To expand on the OH MY GOD IT'S TOO EARLY bit.. For four weeks, Monday-Thursday my husband is going to have to bring our daughter to school for reading help BEFORE camp starts. On Fridays they get a break and can just go to camp. My daughter likes the teacher and is looking forward to seeing her for some one on one time. My husband and I have a... EXPECTATION that these days are not going to go smoothly. Sad, but true. We are doing what we should do to help our child, but we are dreading those mornings already and they are still over a week away. It starts July 8th.
So I am working on LETTING GO because I will already be at work when they hurry out of the house, and I will not be there at all for these early morning reading sessions. I will really not be involved at all except to get myself out of the way early enough in the morning so that they can get themselves up and out of the house in time for this. Really working on my Al-Anon here. It is completely beyond my control. It is none of my business. I can't control it, etc. etc.. It all comes into play I think. Applying my Al-Anon to something so simple and yet so stressful that hasn't even happened yet.
In the meantime in case I don't write, I hope you all have a Happy 4th of July!
May you find peace today.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
My neighbor died
My neighbor died of cancer last week. She was only 35 years old. She left behind a husband and two children still in elementary school. She fought the battle for 13 long months and died on Monday, March 18th.
I was thinking this morning on my way to work about how her death hits me on an Al-Anon level. So many things to think about. The topic of ABANDONMENT was front and center. I don't think I can write about those things yet in a way that will be understood by you all. I'm afraid I would sound selfish if I tried.
During her illness I mediated about Letting Go and Letting God, and Letting Go of Expectations. Also thought about Minding my own business. Haha... really, her illness was hers, not mine. I couldn't fix it. I thought about those 3 Cs quite a bit too. My husband was good for reminding me of those. Fear, detachment, guilt, attitude of Gratitude.
Still, there is it is. So many lessons to be learned, and so many memories she left behind for all who knew her.
Love while you can. We don't know what will be tomorrow, a month from now, or next year.
I was thinking this morning on my way to work about how her death hits me on an Al-Anon level. So many things to think about. The topic of ABANDONMENT was front and center. I don't think I can write about those things yet in a way that will be understood by you all. I'm afraid I would sound selfish if I tried.
During her illness I mediated about Letting Go and Letting God, and Letting Go of Expectations. Also thought about Minding my own business. Haha... really, her illness was hers, not mine. I couldn't fix it. I thought about those 3 Cs quite a bit too. My husband was good for reminding me of those. Fear, detachment, guilt, attitude of Gratitude.
Still, there is it is. So many lessons to be learned, and so many memories she left behind for all who knew her.
Love while you can. We don't know what will be tomorrow, a month from now, or next year.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Patience
I am a lefty. On February 16th I broke my elbow and messed up my wrist, on my left arm. So typing is hard right now. I can't eat left-handed, can't brush my own hair, can't do a lot of things I want to do. It is two more long weeks before I go back to the doctor to see if I will be rollerskating with my daughter in time for her birthday. I have to let go of my expectations on that one I know. It is hard. I am hopeful but I cannot know what will be said.
In the meantime I am practicing all those things I need to practice. Let go.
Be well friends.
In the meantime I am practicing all those things I need to practice. Let go.
Be well friends.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Living in the moment
I am not having the day I planned. I had planned to work on a project with a very specific deadline. Unfortunately the materials I need to do the work have not been given to me so I cannot do the job. I cannot meet the deadline. I have to find something else to do and do the work later after my vacation. When I come back from my vacation I will have other projects to do. Projects that will be piling up during my absence. People will be angry that I am not making them #1 on their list.
Sound familiar? Right now I am not where I want to be. However at 3pm I will be. At 3pm I will be leaving this place and I will leave these problems on my desk until tomorrow morning. Tomorrow will be a new day. I still won't get this project done, but I will move on. I will let it go because it is out of my control.
For today I am living moment by moment, and practicing the tools from Al-Anon in all of my affairs.
Breathe and Let go.
Let go of expectations.
Sound familiar? Right now I am not where I want to be. However at 3pm I will be. At 3pm I will be leaving this place and I will leave these problems on my desk until tomorrow morning. Tomorrow will be a new day. I still won't get this project done, but I will move on. I will let it go because it is out of my control.
For today I am living moment by moment, and practicing the tools from Al-Anon in all of my affairs.
Breathe and Let go.
Let go of expectations.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Carrying Al-Anon with me in all of my affairs
I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. My daughter's birthday is coming up in less than a week, and it has definitely given me the opportunity to "practice it in all of my affairs".
Last week we had our first swimming lesson of the NEW swimming lessons. I had EXPECTATIONS. Oh boy! I had expectations that my daughter would adapt to a new teacher, a new time (by 30 minutes), and a new class. I spent a half hour of sheer insanity and frustration with her that night because she wasn't meeting MY expectations, because she wasn't doing things MY way. Sound familiar? How many times have we tried to control other people in our lives? Does it work? Do we keep trying anyway? Of course we do! LOL! After the failed lesson I talked to my spouse, and the next day I talked to a trusted friend, and then I LET GO, and I LET GOD. I reassessed my priorities, and thought about what was REALLY important, and you know what? It worked. I LET GO. We switched to a different class, back to her old teacher, and her old time slot. She's still moving upward from the class she had in March so she will be learning new skills. It is all going to work out fine. I just needed to LET GO so it could happen.
Now we are getting ready for the BIG BIRTHDAY PARTY. It's the first time we've invited so many kids, rented a space, and made a big deal out of it. It's costing us some money, time, and frustration. My biggest problem is that the parents aren't RSVPing on time. On some level I need those RSVPs so I can be ready for the party. I have to give a head-count the day before the party so setup can be done. However I also need to remember that the party is only 2 HOURS of my life! It is not worth going insane over. I need to check myself, and recheck myself. What are my expectations? What do I really need? If they get back to me tomorrow instead of today, is that okay? At what point do I draw the lines? So today, I am letting go. I am not calling anyone or nagging anyone. I have enough on my plate with other things. Tomorrow I will make phone calls if need be, but for today I am letting it go and handing it over and hoping that people have the decency to reach out to us. I wanted to know by yesterday, but I am hoping those that still need to RSVP will do it today on their own.
I am also managing my sanity by delegating. I asked my dad to be in charge of Easter lunch plans. I put my husband in charge of Easter Bunny stuff (hiding the eggs, getting the Easter basket, etc). I am devoting myself to the party, and all of the birthday business. I am letting those two take care of Easter.
I am really trying to MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE, LET GO, and control my EXPECTATIONS. It is one weekend, and by April 15th it will all be over hopefully. :-)
Enjoy your Easter/Passover weekend friends. May your Higher Power always be with you.
Last week we had our first swimming lesson of the NEW swimming lessons. I had EXPECTATIONS. Oh boy! I had expectations that my daughter would adapt to a new teacher, a new time (by 30 minutes), and a new class. I spent a half hour of sheer insanity and frustration with her that night because she wasn't meeting MY expectations, because she wasn't doing things MY way. Sound familiar? How many times have we tried to control other people in our lives? Does it work? Do we keep trying anyway? Of course we do! LOL! After the failed lesson I talked to my spouse, and the next day I talked to a trusted friend, and then I LET GO, and I LET GOD. I reassessed my priorities, and thought about what was REALLY important, and you know what? It worked. I LET GO. We switched to a different class, back to her old teacher, and her old time slot. She's still moving upward from the class she had in March so she will be learning new skills. It is all going to work out fine. I just needed to LET GO so it could happen.
Now we are getting ready for the BIG BIRTHDAY PARTY. It's the first time we've invited so many kids, rented a space, and made a big deal out of it. It's costing us some money, time, and frustration. My biggest problem is that the parents aren't RSVPing on time. On some level I need those RSVPs so I can be ready for the party. I have to give a head-count the day before the party so setup can be done. However I also need to remember that the party is only 2 HOURS of my life! It is not worth going insane over. I need to check myself, and recheck myself. What are my expectations? What do I really need? If they get back to me tomorrow instead of today, is that okay? At what point do I draw the lines? So today, I am letting go. I am not calling anyone or nagging anyone. I have enough on my plate with other things. Tomorrow I will make phone calls if need be, but for today I am letting it go and handing it over and hoping that people have the decency to reach out to us. I wanted to know by yesterday, but I am hoping those that still need to RSVP will do it today on their own.
I am also managing my sanity by delegating. I asked my dad to be in charge of Easter lunch plans. I put my husband in charge of Easter Bunny stuff (hiding the eggs, getting the Easter basket, etc). I am devoting myself to the party, and all of the birthday business. I am letting those two take care of Easter.
I am really trying to MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE, LET GO, and control my EXPECTATIONS. It is one weekend, and by April 15th it will all be over hopefully. :-)
Enjoy your Easter/Passover weekend friends. May your Higher Power always be with you.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Letting go of Expectations
I have always "known" that when I had a child (or children) that I would send her to Sunday School. I went to Sunday School as a kid. It was the "right" thing to do. I went until about the age of 12 when things started to fall apart and I was allowed to make choices on my own. As a teenager I realized that I didn't believe exactly everything I had been taught. My minister was okay with that though. As I attended the adult church his sermons spoke to me. He would substitute "person" where something might have said "man" before. This was just the beginning. As a teen my biggest issue with the church was the sexism.
As an adult I found the Unitarian Universalists. This suited me much better. A sort of mix of things, that kind of lets you believe in whatever you want to believe as long as you believe in something. It's tolerant, it's accepting.... but is it Christian? I don't know. I don't usually care.
A few years ago I married the man of my dreams. This man was raised without religion. He was raised by parents who were professors. His mother later became "Born again" or something, but as a youth this man had no religion. He found it on his own. He found it on late night television. He read the Bible on his own. He never went to church. Still, he found God and he feels that God has spoken to him.
So here we are with a five year old child. The time is finally here when I have always "KNOWN" that I would send her to Sunday School. I have spent the past year researching the local churches. Searching websites, sending emails, visiting Sunday School classes, talking to neighbors and other parents... trying to find the right place. After all I have been PLANNING this for years...
so now.. guess what? I have to LET IT GO! Yup. We might have found ONE that MIGHT work, but my husband isn't interested in it, and my daughter doesn't really want to go. I found one that I liked, but it was a Unitarian church and they don't teach the Bible stories like my husband wants. Many of the churches near us are Baptist. They are against homosexuality. Neither of us can support this point of view so those churches are out. The list goes on as to why each church fails to meet my criteria.
Doesn't matter what the reasons are though. It all comes down to this... we will teach her about God ourselves. We don't need to send her to Sunday School for her to learn religion. This is a tough message for me to swallow. I don't always trust myself, or trust us. I am not sure if we can do this, but I know somehow we will.
I am Letting Go of my Expectations. Everything will be okay. I am Letting Go and Letting God.
Peace be with you.
As an adult I found the Unitarian Universalists. This suited me much better. A sort of mix of things, that kind of lets you believe in whatever you want to believe as long as you believe in something. It's tolerant, it's accepting.... but is it Christian? I don't know. I don't usually care.
A few years ago I married the man of my dreams. This man was raised without religion. He was raised by parents who were professors. His mother later became "Born again" or something, but as a youth this man had no religion. He found it on his own. He found it on late night television. He read the Bible on his own. He never went to church. Still, he found God and he feels that God has spoken to him.
So here we are with a five year old child. The time is finally here when I have always "KNOWN" that I would send her to Sunday School. I have spent the past year researching the local churches. Searching websites, sending emails, visiting Sunday School classes, talking to neighbors and other parents... trying to find the right place. After all I have been PLANNING this for years...
so now.. guess what? I have to LET IT GO! Yup. We might have found ONE that MIGHT work, but my husband isn't interested in it, and my daughter doesn't really want to go. I found one that I liked, but it was a Unitarian church and they don't teach the Bible stories like my husband wants. Many of the churches near us are Baptist. They are against homosexuality. Neither of us can support this point of view so those churches are out. The list goes on as to why each church fails to meet my criteria.
Doesn't matter what the reasons are though. It all comes down to this... we will teach her about God ourselves. We don't need to send her to Sunday School for her to learn religion. This is a tough message for me to swallow. I don't always trust myself, or trust us. I am not sure if we can do this, but I know somehow we will.
I am Letting Go of my Expectations. Everything will be okay. I am Letting Go and Letting God.
Peace be with you.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Breathe in... breathe out
This is one of those times that I'm caught off guard. I didn't expect this to be so hard and yet here I am. My husband and I are pulling at each other. I am constantly reminded by myself and by him to detach and let go. This time it's letting go of my husband. We have a home repair project that as I write this is probably underway at least a little bit. My husband is in charge and is doing most of the work himself. However I keep butting in. "Shouldn't you be doing this? Did you think about that....?" and his reply "Do you trust me or not honey? I told you I can do this, now get out of my way and let me do this. You have your own list..."
and he's right of course. My job is to stay out of his way for the yesterday and today. Then tomorrow I take orders and help out as needed. Then Saturday and Sunday my job is to keep the child away from the house and entertained. I got to pick the hotel at least. :-)
Today my husband called me at work a few times and told me of the "discoveries" he was making. Added layers of work, added money to be spent at the big orange store, added time spent doing the work.
I plan to leave our house on Friday afternoon, after helping him for the day. On Monday I hope to return to a functioning home, that functions the way that it does today with all the things working. In the meantime I need to be practicing and practicing my letting go and letting god, my detaching, trust, the serenity prayer, and living one hour at a time.
Of course it doesn't end there either. On Saturday and Sunday I'll be mostly in "single parent mode" and I will be negotiating with our child what we will do, where we will spend our time, where we will eat, etc. It will be a seesaw ride of trying to keep her busy while not wearing myself out too much. She's got more energy than I do I think, and it can be hard to keep up. :-)
It's all worth it if things go well, and if things don't go well... well I don't want to think about that yet. I just need to get through the rest of this afternoon first. This moment, here, this blog post, etc.
Image via Wikipedia
and he's right of course. My job is to stay out of his way for the yesterday and today. Then tomorrow I take orders and help out as needed. Then Saturday and Sunday my job is to keep the child away from the house and entertained. I got to pick the hotel at least. :-)
Today my husband called me at work a few times and told me of the "discoveries" he was making. Added layers of work, added money to be spent at the big orange store, added time spent doing the work.
I plan to leave our house on Friday afternoon, after helping him for the day. On Monday I hope to return to a functioning home, that functions the way that it does today with all the things working. In the meantime I need to be practicing and practicing my letting go and letting god, my detaching, trust, the serenity prayer, and living one hour at a time.
Of course it doesn't end there either. On Saturday and Sunday I'll be mostly in "single parent mode" and I will be negotiating with our child what we will do, where we will spend our time, where we will eat, etc. It will be a seesaw ride of trying to keep her busy while not wearing myself out too much. She's got more energy than I do I think, and it can be hard to keep up. :-)
It's all worth it if things go well, and if things don't go well... well I don't want to think about that yet. I just need to get through the rest of this afternoon first. This moment, here, this blog post, etc.
Image via WikipediaMonday, June 14, 2010
One Day at a time
I see Syd took some time over the weekend to check in, and leave some comments. Thank you Syd! I'm not going to respond to each thing you said, but I will probably comment back on a couple of them anyway.
This past weekend was a good exercise in taking things "One Day at a time" and letting go of expectations. We started Friday night with a trip to the forest. My husband was going camping, and since we are a one-car family, it was a family event to bring him to the campsite. Rather than dropping him off quickly, and running back to civilization, daughter and I went for a short hike braving the mosquitoes. A beaver was spotted, and much mountain laurel, and a deer was seen on our way home. All good things.
In the morning my daughter made it clear that she did not want to see "the grandma with the dead cat on her kitchen table", and she was pretty clear about it. I had promised her some mother-daughter time, and she did not want that time transformed into mother-daughter-grandma time. I respected her wishes, much to my mother's ire. We ran into an old friend of my mom's in our travels, and I mentioned the change in plans. His response, after having not seen my mom in 30 years maybe, was "well you know her temper, I wouldn't tick her off if I was you. She'll probably get revenge...." Gee, thanks for that. Nice to know what old friends think of her. I held my ground with my daughter though, and we journeyed to the south instead of to the north. I took my daughter strawberry picking for her first time. I wasn't fussy about finding "the best" strawberries, or "organic", or anything else. I simply cruised around until I saw a sign on the side of the road, and followed it in to the farm. Picking was hard work for her, but it was fun. We finished before the rain started, and hopefully didn't get too many more than we can use.
The next thing to come in my path was my daughter waking from a nap with a fever. Sick and angry she refused to take the Motrin I offered her. Asleep and then awake again, I finally made the calls to take her to the doctor and to let my husband know he would not be spending another night camping in the rain.
So our weekend went. Taking things one moment at a time, not sure what would happen next, but not getting attached to too many things either. We chose out battles carefully as parents need to do.We let go of doing some of the things we each wanted to do, as a couple needs to compromise. It wasn't the best weekend ever, but we survived it as a family, doing our best to respect one another.
This past weekend was a good exercise in taking things "One Day at a time" and letting go of expectations. We started Friday night with a trip to the forest. My husband was going camping, and since we are a one-car family, it was a family event to bring him to the campsite. Rather than dropping him off quickly, and running back to civilization, daughter and I went for a short hike braving the mosquitoes. A beaver was spotted, and much mountain laurel, and a deer was seen on our way home. All good things.
In the morning my daughter made it clear that she did not want to see "the grandma with the dead cat on her kitchen table", and she was pretty clear about it. I had promised her some mother-daughter time, and she did not want that time transformed into mother-daughter-grandma time. I respected her wishes, much to my mother's ire. We ran into an old friend of my mom's in our travels, and I mentioned the change in plans. His response, after having not seen my mom in 30 years maybe, was "well you know her temper, I wouldn't tick her off if I was you. She'll probably get revenge...." Gee, thanks for that. Nice to know what old friends think of her. I held my ground with my daughter though, and we journeyed to the south instead of to the north. I took my daughter strawberry picking for her first time. I wasn't fussy about finding "the best" strawberries, or "organic", or anything else. I simply cruised around until I saw a sign on the side of the road, and followed it in to the farm. Picking was hard work for her, but it was fun. We finished before the rain started, and hopefully didn't get too many more than we can use.
The next thing to come in my path was my daughter waking from a nap with a fever. Sick and angry she refused to take the Motrin I offered her. Asleep and then awake again, I finally made the calls to take her to the doctor and to let my husband know he would not be spending another night camping in the rain.
So our weekend went. Taking things one moment at a time, not sure what would happen next, but not getting attached to too many things either. We chose out battles carefully as parents need to do.We let go of doing some of the things we each wanted to do, as a couple needs to compromise. It wasn't the best weekend ever, but we survived it as a family, doing our best to respect one another.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
being positive
Syd said something about being an optimist or a pessimist. Interesting to me today because I was noticing something of a similar nature. I've noticed that some people LIKE being negative. They post on their Facebook page about a problem or some drama in their lives and they want the pity. If someone tries to counter it with "it's not that bad..." kind of thing, it gets dismissed. They would rather have the toxicity in their lives for some reason, and I just don't get that. I don't know if I need to stop being friends with them, but I definitely feel myself detaching.
Next week will be a challenge for me. I know I can do it, I've done it before. Every year it gets easier when my husband goes away but I never look forward to it. I'm trying not to dwell on it as a negative experience though. I'm trying to think of it as um... a week of unpredictability. A week when I just have to completely let go of any expectations I have of anything regarding my home life and just be the best I can for those around me.
Tomorrow may or may not be the beginning of some of it, and by noon Saturday I'll probably be fully submerged. The weekdays will be challenging, but it will all be over by next Friday night and I know I can do it. So if I'm absent, be patient with me. I'm with you all in spirit. I'm just going to be busy and distracted for a while.
Next week will be a challenge for me. I know I can do it, I've done it before. Every year it gets easier when my husband goes away but I never look forward to it. I'm trying not to dwell on it as a negative experience though. I'm trying to think of it as um... a week of unpredictability. A week when I just have to completely let go of any expectations I have of anything regarding my home life and just be the best I can for those around me.
Tomorrow may or may not be the beginning of some of it, and by noon Saturday I'll probably be fully submerged. The weekdays will be challenging, but it will all be over by next Friday night and I know I can do it. So if I'm absent, be patient with me. I'm with you all in spirit. I'm just going to be busy and distracted for a while.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
things that never happened...
Sometimes in the morning I wake up still aware of my dreams. This morning was one of those days. I was on my way into the kitchen telling myself "Wow that was so scary when....." and then I realized it never happened. It was just something from a dream. The scariest things in my life have happened and I bury them deep, but the other stuff that I worry about is often just a daydream of "what ifs..." and I need to quiet that part of my mind.
We're going out of town for the weekend. A friend of mine might try to catch up with us. I don't know how that will go, but I am letting it go. I do not want to spend my time wondering about the what-ifs. I have enough to do with what-is's.
We're going out of town for the weekend. A friend of mine might try to catch up with us. I don't know how that will go, but I am letting it go. I do not want to spend my time wondering about the what-ifs. I have enough to do with what-is's.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Expectations
Once upon a time, in a lifetime or two or three ago... once long ago, I had an acquaintance, a friend of a friend... this acquaintance was quite smart, but also dull. A monotone voice that could remember and quote from a great number of sources, but this acquaintance just seemed "flat". I guess that's the best way to describe him. Our mutual friend told me once in hushed tones that the flatness was because of a certain prescription that the acquaintance was taking.
Flash forward to now, many lifetimes and many years later. My husband has just been given a prescription for that certain prescription. When he gave me the news, while I was driving, I listened and outwardly gave no sign of fear. Inwardly though I am cringing, and I know that's wrong. I have a fear, an expectation, that he is going to have the same reaction to this prescription. I am worried that he too will be "flat" and boring. I know that my fears are irrational though, and I am doing my best to let them go. I have to Let Go and Let God guide us through this journey, and just because I knew someone, not closely, long, long ago who might have possibly had this reaction to this medication does not mean my husband will too. I know this. I do, I really do.
It's a medication with some stigma attached to it so there is also some secrecy involved, some shame, but we don't call it that, do we? No. I say I am being discreet and respectful of his privacy. It's up to him to tell who he wants to tell, and not my news to share. So when someone asks I say "Everything is fine. He's doing well, and losing weight." That is true. It's not the whole truth, but it is true as far as I've said it and it is all that anyone needs to know unless he volunteers to tell them more.
It's been a rough week. I think my daughter and I are both looking forward to some "down time" this weekend. We will probably get it too. A quiet weekend ahead of us, and then the next weekend will be busy. Or so I expect. :-)
Flash forward to now, many lifetimes and many years later. My husband has just been given a prescription for that certain prescription. When he gave me the news, while I was driving, I listened and outwardly gave no sign of fear. Inwardly though I am cringing, and I know that's wrong. I have a fear, an expectation, that he is going to have the same reaction to this prescription. I am worried that he too will be "flat" and boring. I know that my fears are irrational though, and I am doing my best to let them go. I have to Let Go and Let God guide us through this journey, and just because I knew someone, not closely, long, long ago who might have possibly had this reaction to this medication does not mean my husband will too. I know this. I do, I really do.
It's a medication with some stigma attached to it so there is also some secrecy involved, some shame, but we don't call it that, do we? No. I say I am being discreet and respectful of his privacy. It's up to him to tell who he wants to tell, and not my news to share. So when someone asks I say "Everything is fine. He's doing well, and losing weight." That is true. It's not the whole truth, but it is true as far as I've said it and it is all that anyone needs to know unless he volunteers to tell them more.
It's been a rough week. I think my daughter and I are both looking forward to some "down time" this weekend. We will probably get it too. A quiet weekend ahead of us, and then the next weekend will be busy. Or so I expect. :-)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I need some detachment
I called my mom back last night while my husband gave my daughter a bath. I should have been doing the dishes, but I figured the dishes could wait. My mom updated me that she has been talking to a friend of mine, who is sometimes helpful and sometimes not. She also told me that she has been babysitting my brother's son and (ex)step-children. She promised she'd be home on Saturday, Halloween, just in case any grandchildren stopped by for trick or treating. She got lots of candy.
So a combination of guilt and bribery on her part I guess. I'm not even sure if we'll be able to get my daughter to put her Halloween costume on since I think she has changed her mind about being a princess. We also have decided where we want to go trick or treating, or when etc.
I think we've settled that we'll be having dinner with my dad on Sunday night, without my mother of course, but I'm still waiting to get a time and place confirmed.
I also got some disappointing news on my job today. I really wanted to quit my job, but I held on, bit my lips, grinded my teeth, and made it through the day. Walking out and quitting would have been selfish of me, kind of like suicide. So I held on. Not an easy thing to do, and I'm still bitter.
So now I need to Let Go and Let God again. Really, I am still waiting on my job stuff. The Governor announced today that he is expecting layoffs and furloughs and if I don't get either of those, then I should consider myself lucky. As far as my mom goes, that will be in the hands of my daughter I think. I can't force a preschooler to do much of anything these days so I will just have to wait and see what happens. I'm powerless and I just have to Let Go and Let God.
I had hoped to be in a better place today, I had hoped... but that gets me no where. It is what it is. Right now it's almost 5pm and time to go.
So a combination of guilt and bribery on her part I guess. I'm not even sure if we'll be able to get my daughter to put her Halloween costume on since I think she has changed her mind about being a princess. We also have decided where we want to go trick or treating, or when etc.
I think we've settled that we'll be having dinner with my dad on Sunday night, without my mother of course, but I'm still waiting to get a time and place confirmed.
I also got some disappointing news on my job today. I really wanted to quit my job, but I held on, bit my lips, grinded my teeth, and made it through the day. Walking out and quitting would have been selfish of me, kind of like suicide. So I held on. Not an easy thing to do, and I'm still bitter.
So now I need to Let Go and Let God again. Really, I am still waiting on my job stuff. The Governor announced today that he is expecting layoffs and furloughs and if I don't get either of those, then I should consider myself lucky. As far as my mom goes, that will be in the hands of my daughter I think. I can't force a preschooler to do much of anything these days so I will just have to wait and see what happens. I'm powerless and I just have to Let Go and Let God.
I had hoped to be in a better place today, I had hoped... but that gets me no where. It is what it is. Right now it's almost 5pm and time to go.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Expectations and Letting Go and Letting HP and trust
I know, I've posted on this before but really I just have to keep practicing it all the time. Yesterday my husband had the day off. He promised to clean the living room. It was filled with the kid's toys and his stuff. I've heard this promise before and been disappointed by the results. I tried not to have any expectations. It was his day, and he should be allowed to do what he wanted to do. And I know how overwhelming cleaning can be, especially when it's not your stuff. Still, I had expectations. I had LOW expectations. When he called me around 3pm to say he was tired and asked me to get take-out for dinner, I gently told him that no, I wasn't getting take-out. We'll be eating out enough over the next few days as it is. Then he told me he threw out a certain toy. My first reaction to him was "Oh no! Not THAT!" but then I calmed down, and I said "this is your project, and I trust you." Really, I need to treat him with respect and as an adult. He deserves that. It's hard to let go and let someone else do it, and trust. Let go and Let HP do it. I'm at work, I don't want to micromanage the project, and I'd probably throw some toys out too if I was doing it. I should be glad it's not me doing the cleaning. Really!
When I got home 3 hours later, with our daughter, I was very surprised to walk in and smell a roast cooking in the oven. Then I went into the living room and it was clean. I mean really clean. He had vacuumed the floor, and there was space for the 3 of us to sit down, and you could actually walk around the kid's table that was in the middle of the room. It was awesome. I was so happy.
Dinner was very yummy, the living room was clean, we were all relaxed, and my daughter got to play with toys that she hadn't seen in months. It was nice to want to be home.
I had actually thought about going to my mom's apartment. I never called my mom to tell her that, but it was on my mind from 5pm-6pm. I know I'll be busy for the next week with my father-in-law coming to town and other activities so I thought I should go see her and get it off her list or something. I didn't go though. I enjoyed the evening at home. I thought of it as my reward for letting go, letting my higher power be in control, and trusting my loved one.
When I got home 3 hours later, with our daughter, I was very surprised to walk in and smell a roast cooking in the oven. Then I went into the living room and it was clean. I mean really clean. He had vacuumed the floor, and there was space for the 3 of us to sit down, and you could actually walk around the kid's table that was in the middle of the room. It was awesome. I was so happy.
Dinner was very yummy, the living room was clean, we were all relaxed, and my daughter got to play with toys that she hadn't seen in months. It was nice to want to be home.
I had actually thought about going to my mom's apartment. I never called my mom to tell her that, but it was on my mind from 5pm-6pm. I know I'll be busy for the next week with my father-in-law coming to town and other activities so I thought I should go see her and get it off her list or something. I didn't go though. I enjoyed the evening at home. I thought of it as my reward for letting go, letting my higher power be in control, and trusting my loved one.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Letting go of expectations
Letting go of expectations is another one of the gifts that I get from Al-Anon. I have gained sanity by letting go of expectations every day. I'd like to do this and that this weekend, but those plans involve other people in my life, and they may not have the same inclinations as I do. If I expect to get things done, I'm going to be disappointed. I have to work hard to let go. It's not easy. Twice within the last two days I've had that point driven home to me.
Yesterday I thought I'd lost my wallet. My expectations of returning to work, having a normal day, and a normal day today, were vanished in a heartbeat. If my wallet was lost, I'd have a lot of work to do to recover all that was lost. Getting a new driver's license, new debit and credit cards, etc. would take a lot of time, energy, and probably be frustrating. My expectation about just having a normal day vanished. Then I found my wallet. WHEW!
This morning I was pulling out of a parking lot, and passing other parked cars. One of them nearly backed into me. For a few seconds I had images of a tow truck, maybe an ambulance, and definitely policemen in my head. Then I leaned on the horn, hard. The other driver heard me, and all was saved. But in those few seconds my expectations of getting to work and having a normal day ahead of me vanished, and if the car ended up "in the shop", then other things would be messed up too. I didn't like my expectations to be taken away. I did not want that car accident to happen. WHEW again!
The last example I'll give you is at home. As the parent of a 3 year old, having expectations can be tricky. My husband and I have an expectation that we'll eat supper at a certain time, food will be eaten in a timely manner, and all will be calm. My daughter has other ideas. SHE wants to get the ketchup out of the refrigerator. She's disappointed that she has smiley faced french fries instead of alphabet fries. She wants to do more and more things herself. Then she wants to lick a knife covered in butter. Sometimes these things can drive a parent up a wall. Picking and choosing our battles becomes exhausting, and often I am ready for bed before she is. Sometimes my husband or I will put ourselves in time out because it gets overwhelming. We just want to eat supper. We don't want to have a battle about how eating a half a cup of butter is not allowed. However we are fooling ourselves if we sit down at the kitchen table and expect dinner to go smoothly. It's not going to. Eating out will have it's own challenges too. We just have to accept that mealtimes are going to be rough, and remove any expectations we have otherwise.
None of these examples have an alcoholic in them. When I was a kid I had expectations that a holiday would be fun, cozy, and friendly. I looked forward to Christmas and Thanksgiving like every other kid. My mom would start drinking though, and way too early there would be fighting and tears, and everything would be a mess. I've stopped looking forward to holidays with her. My expectations were never met. She has never been sober during the holidays to my knowledge, and I am dreading having her around this year. It's best not to have any expectations.
So if "Let Go and Let God" or "Let Go and Let Higher Power" seems too much for you at first, then practice just "Letting Go" at first. Let go of your expectations and you will be a lot calmer, a lot more willing to go with the flow of things, and adapt to whatever happens. It's not always easy. And yes, sometimes I get bummed out because I don't get what I want, but at least I'm not frustrated by not having my expectations met in the first place.
I'd like to go to some fall festivals this weekend. Do I EXPECT to be able to go? Not one bit. I'm hoping to get to at least one of them, although I'd really like to go to 2 or 3. I don't have any expectations though. We don't have much planned because I know that truly everyone will have something different they want to do, and I'm not the only member of the family who gets a voice. The oil will get changed on the car, groceries will hopefully be purchased, and birthday cake or birthday cupcakes will be consumed. Those are expectations I can live with. The rest I just have to let go. If we get in a car accident on the way home today though, all bets are off, and that's just the way it goes.
Yesterday I thought I'd lost my wallet. My expectations of returning to work, having a normal day, and a normal day today, were vanished in a heartbeat. If my wallet was lost, I'd have a lot of work to do to recover all that was lost. Getting a new driver's license, new debit and credit cards, etc. would take a lot of time, energy, and probably be frustrating. My expectation about just having a normal day vanished. Then I found my wallet. WHEW!
This morning I was pulling out of a parking lot, and passing other parked cars. One of them nearly backed into me. For a few seconds I had images of a tow truck, maybe an ambulance, and definitely policemen in my head. Then I leaned on the horn, hard. The other driver heard me, and all was saved. But in those few seconds my expectations of getting to work and having a normal day ahead of me vanished, and if the car ended up "in the shop", then other things would be messed up too. I didn't like my expectations to be taken away. I did not want that car accident to happen. WHEW again!
The last example I'll give you is at home. As the parent of a 3 year old, having expectations can be tricky. My husband and I have an expectation that we'll eat supper at a certain time, food will be eaten in a timely manner, and all will be calm. My daughter has other ideas. SHE wants to get the ketchup out of the refrigerator. She's disappointed that she has smiley faced french fries instead of alphabet fries. She wants to do more and more things herself. Then she wants to lick a knife covered in butter. Sometimes these things can drive a parent up a wall. Picking and choosing our battles becomes exhausting, and often I am ready for bed before she is. Sometimes my husband or I will put ourselves in time out because it gets overwhelming. We just want to eat supper. We don't want to have a battle about how eating a half a cup of butter is not allowed. However we are fooling ourselves if we sit down at the kitchen table and expect dinner to go smoothly. It's not going to. Eating out will have it's own challenges too. We just have to accept that mealtimes are going to be rough, and remove any expectations we have otherwise.
None of these examples have an alcoholic in them. When I was a kid I had expectations that a holiday would be fun, cozy, and friendly. I looked forward to Christmas and Thanksgiving like every other kid. My mom would start drinking though, and way too early there would be fighting and tears, and everything would be a mess. I've stopped looking forward to holidays with her. My expectations were never met. She has never been sober during the holidays to my knowledge, and I am dreading having her around this year. It's best not to have any expectations.
So if "Let Go and Let God" or "Let Go and Let Higher Power" seems too much for you at first, then practice just "Letting Go" at first. Let go of your expectations and you will be a lot calmer, a lot more willing to go with the flow of things, and adapt to whatever happens. It's not always easy. And yes, sometimes I get bummed out because I don't get what I want, but at least I'm not frustrated by not having my expectations met in the first place.
I'd like to go to some fall festivals this weekend. Do I EXPECT to be able to go? Not one bit. I'm hoping to get to at least one of them, although I'd really like to go to 2 or 3. I don't have any expectations though. We don't have much planned because I know that truly everyone will have something different they want to do, and I'm not the only member of the family who gets a voice. The oil will get changed on the car, groceries will hopefully be purchased, and birthday cake or birthday cupcakes will be consumed. Those are expectations I can live with. The rest I just have to let go. If we get in a car accident on the way home today though, all bets are off, and that's just the way it goes.
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