Friday, August 31, 2012

Accepting what you're given (from your HP or elsewhere)

I want to write a post and I know I don't have time or the right words to do it at the moment, but it's coming... and before I lose the thought completely here's the gist of it...

I am accepting what I have been given by my HP. I'm not running away from it. I am taking it. Some of it is good, and some of it not so good. I made a choice to put my child first for a couple of weeks and that has made coming back to work hard. There is a lot to do (which is why I shouldn't be writing this right now). My mom has cancer. It's a common skin cancer. The old me would have freaked out. I'm staying calm. It's not in my hands. I have given it over. Worrying is not going to make it better.

I live in a town where one of my ex-boyfriends grew up. We didn't last long I'm afraid but I think of him often because I pass by where his house used to be. Indeed I drove by the day the local firefighters used it as practice (it had long been empty I suppose). Anyway, the other day he reached out to me on Facebook. At first I was nervous but so far he only wants to talk about himself and I'm good with that. I am interested in hearing what has happened in the last 21 years since our youthful time together. We all have our journey in life and I am listening with open ears I hope because I have been thinking of him during the last few years. Indeed I am grateful to hear from him and find out how things have gone (his marriage ended in divorce, his father died, etc..). This gives me some sense of closure or something. I don't know. I am accepting it as a gift.

More later I hope, but that's where I'm at the moment and I wanted you all to know I was out here meditating on this whole thing. There's more but I'm on borrowed time as it is.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Living in the moment

I am not having the day I planned. I had planned to work on a project with a very specific deadline. Unfortunately the materials I need to do the work have not been given to me so I cannot do the job. I cannot meet the deadline. I have to find something else to do and do the work later after my vacation. When I come back from my vacation I will have other projects to do. Projects that will be piling up during my absence. People will be angry that I am not making them #1 on their list.

Sound familiar? Right now I am not where I want to be. However at 3pm I will be. At 3pm I will be leaving this place and I will leave these problems on my desk until tomorrow morning. Tomorrow will be a new day. I still won't get this project done, but I will move on. I will let it go because it is out of my control.

For today I am living moment by moment, and practicing the tools from Al-Anon in all of my affairs.

Breathe and Let go.

Let go of expectations.