Monday, October 19, 2009

Self-pity

I was feeling some self-pity this weekend. It's amazing how I think I'm doing okay, and then BAM! I'm just in the clutches of that awful feeling, feeling sorry for myself, and sitting in the car crying while my husband drives down the road. It's my own fault too. I set myself up in this situation where we made choices, choices that I like, that result in us having a nice quiet house away from town and the kid gets to go to a decent preschool (not the cheapest and not the most expensive either). I have a job I like, but it doesn't pay great. In the end though, we have decided to live on only 1 car until we're done with preschool. We had hoped to spring for 2 cars this year, but when the Accord needed to be traded in, we knew we would have to keep living on 1 for a while longer. We just can't afford 2 car payments while we are paying for preschool. What this all means together is that I have no social life. Seriously, none. The only time I left the house this weekend was to go grocery shopping, and we all went together.

So why was I crying? Because I had heard that some friends were having an open house at their association thing, and I was hoping that my husband would want to go and join it. In the end, he wasn't interested in doing it. Since the association is men-only I think, it was crucial that my husband want to do this, without him, there was no point in us going. So I was hoping he'd want to go because I wanted to socialize. Stupid of me. The association membership would have required time and energy and interest from him. I just wanted to see some friends, maybe. So I was bummed when he decided he didn't want to join the association or go to the open house. That left us with a trip to the orange store, where I sat in the car with the kid, and the grocery store. Yahoo! :-(

I miss having a social life. I see my friends online, but never in-person, and I don't really have the opportunity to meet new people. I go to work 5 days/week, I pick up the kid from preschool, and I spend time with my husband. That's about it. I'm lonely. Even before marriage though I was prone to put my head in a book, or play on the computer rather than go out. I've never been very good at the social game, so it's not my husband's fault that I'm in this place in my head. I have no right or reason to feel sorry for myself. My life is the result of my choices, and I know that rationally. Still, sometimes it sucks.

Then I saw Christina's blog. I didn't even need to watch the video. I know life could be worse. Life with no limbs, no thanks. Timely reminder considering I was already planning today's post.

1 comment:

  1. I think that each of us gets into self-pity at times. I've had many moments of that. It passes when I realize that I'm usually just replaying some old tapes of the past in my head. I can also choose to do something different such as meet friends on my own, go to a meeting, or undertake an activity where there is something social to do. I have to get out of my comfort zone at times to do those things but I'm glad when I do.

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