Showing posts with label lack of sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lack of sleep. Show all posts

Monday, September 19, 2011

Letting go of Expectations

I have always "known" that when I had a child (or children) that I would send her to Sunday School. I went to Sunday School as a kid. It was the "right" thing to do. I went until about the age of 12 when things started to fall apart and I was allowed to make choices on my own. As a teenager I realized that I didn't believe exactly everything I had been taught. My minister was okay with that though. As I attended the adult church his sermons spoke to me. He would substitute "person" where something might have said "man" before. This was just the beginning. As a teen my biggest issue with the church was the sexism.

As an adult I found the Unitarian Universalists. This suited me much better. A sort of mix of things, that kind of lets you believe in whatever you want to believe as long as you believe in something. It's tolerant, it's accepting.... but is it Christian? I don't know. I don't usually care.

A few years ago I married the man of my dreams. This man was raised without religion. He was raised by parents who were professors. His mother later became "Born again" or something, but as a youth this man had no religion. He found it on his own. He found it on late night television. He read the Bible on his own. He never went to church. Still, he found God and he feels that God has spoken to him.

So here we are with a five year old child. The time is finally here when I have always "KNOWN" that I would send her to Sunday School. I have spent the past year researching the local churches. Searching websites, sending emails, visiting Sunday School classes, talking to neighbors and other parents... trying to find the right place. After all I have been PLANNING this for years...

so now.. guess what? I have to LET IT GO! Yup. We might have found ONE that MIGHT work, but my husband isn't interested in it, and my daughter doesn't really want to go. I found one that I liked, but it was a Unitarian church and they don't teach the Bible stories like my husband wants. Many of the churches near us are Baptist. They are against homosexuality. Neither of us can support this point of view so those churches are out. The list goes on as to why each church fails to meet my criteria.

Doesn't matter what the reasons are though. It all comes down to this... we will teach her about God ourselves. We don't need to send her to Sunday School for her to learn religion. This is a tough message for me to swallow. I don't always trust myself, or trust us. I am not sure if we can do this, but I know somehow we will.

I am Letting Go of my Expectations. Everything will be okay. I am Letting Go and Letting God.

Peace be with you.
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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

for Teresa- my nightmare

I just read Teresa's blog here.  It brought back instant memories and nightmares. Recurring nightmares that I still have. In addition to the normal nightmares about being back in high school or back at an old job, I have nightmares about finding my way home. Often there are cats that need to fed. Sometimes in the nightmares I have been away for months or years. Sometimes I am living with my mother and my brother, and sometimes my daughter is part of the dream as well. It changes from time to time, but theme is the same. I'm lost and I'm trying to find where I belong. Doesn't take an expert to figure this stuff out for me. I'm hoping some day the nightmares go away, but for now I'm stuck with them, and the lack of sleep that goes with them.