The roller coaster ride

We had a 3-day weekend, one of those "Boston Holidays" on Monday. The weather was mixed, and our days filled up quickly. We took our daughter to an open house farm and she was less fearful than she has been in the past, we bought gardening supplies, and planted a small garden. Too soon maybe, but we are hopeful.

The last 2 weekends had been busy with Easter and other family things so we took the weekend off from visiting with friends and family for the most part. It was good to be on our own schedules.

So in the midst of this all my mother called and left a message demanding that I return my grandmother's jewelry that she had given me in September. Now, personally, I am still grieving. I have packed away whatever my mother gave me after my grandmother's death in various places. Some of it I can find easily, other stuff is more deeply buried. I guess the jewelry is buried. I looked for it in the places that were easily accessible and then on Monday night I called her back. She was not happy. I had not called her back fast enough, and the answer of "I don't know for certain that I have it, and if I do have it, I'm not sure I can put my hands on it very easily" was not pleasing to her.

Personally I think this is just another one of those control games that she plays all the time. It's a cry for attention. I hate these games and I don't want to play. She gave me stuff, it's mine. That should be the end of it, but I try to be nice. It's so hard. So the conversation continued until she used the "F" word and then I hung up. She called back, I hung up again immediately, she called again and then I let her apologize. I pointed out that Grandma's birthday is approaching and so is Mother's Day, and I imagine she is feeling some pain. This acknowledgment seemed to soothe things a bit, and she rambled on about other things. Mostly about how great my brother is to come over to her house and make her dinner occasionally. In September my mother and brother weren't speaking. They got angry with one another the night before the funeral and called it quits. It's interesting now that my brother is the "good kid" and I am the "selfish bitch". Oh wait, I'm always the "selfish bitch" and I let my kid watch too much tv, another pet peeve of hers.

Anyway, now I'm upset with her, and myself. I'm trying to do the right thing but I'm not sure what the right thing is. One thing I do know is that I won't be bringing my things to her house for a tag sale in a few weeks. Whatever I had hoped to sell will be given to charity instead. Although I could use the pocket money, especially with our insane medical bills this year, I need the sanity more.