Feeling split between worlds

In trying to think about what to post about today I am finding myself split between different worlds. That in itself opens another direction to go in. I think a lot of us Al-Anons feel split between worlds. There is the outside world where most people do not know what we endure in our homes, and then there is the chaos that we go home to (or went home to as children/teens/spouses/etc). I think that is a post topic for another day. Maybe someone else out there wants to take it up, be my guest.

At work we are nearing the end of the Spring semester and the fiscal year. The last couple of weeks have been busy. It's almost over though, and I can taste the summer just around the corner. Summer is slower for me at work, and I savor it sometimes. Right now I am looking forward to it probably because I've been too busy this week. I'm not motivated to work today, and wishing I had a day off.

On the home front, I talked to my mother last night. What was that about not picking up someone else's baggage? Yeah. Good words, and I remembered them as she rattled on about some drama between herself and my brother. My brother and I are not close, and it seems like whenever my brother is getting along with my mom, I'm not. Whenever they have a fight, my mom comes to me. I don't get it. So the latest drama is that my mom is mad at my brother and his "woman" (ex-wife/girlfriend/mother of one of his son's). She is trying to draw me into the drama, and you know what? I'm NOT PICKING UP THAT BAGGAGE. Yup. Good words. Practicing my self-care and letting it go. My brother was labeled ADD as a kid, and whether that's his issue or drugs or whatever is his problem, I don't know. I detached from him a long time ago. I tried to save him once. Tried to give him love and support, with boundaries and when he didn't like those boundaries and the guidelines I insisted on, I detached with love. It's been tough love ever since with him. I wish dealing with my mom was that easy for me. Anyway, the problem is theirs, not mine. I love them both, always will, but I will not get sucked in.

I do plan to stop at my mom's apartment Saturday morning, alone, to see what she is selling in her yard sale, and maybe donate a couple of things, but I won't stay long. I promised my husband that. I have other things to do with my life than spend it in her toxic world.