Taking Personal Responsibility- Setting Boundaries

Today's "Courage to Change" reading talks about taking personal responsibility. Al-Anon doesn't want to tell people to get out if their living conditions are violent, but at the same time, it is what needs to be done. How to say that gracefully? By stressing taking responsibility for yourself. It's not about the alcoholic being violent, it's about the Al-Anon member being safe. Usually for me this means I have to set boundaries with the alcoholics. It is my responsibility to keep a safe distance away from the alcoholic so that I don't get hurt.

My uncle had a retirement party just a few days after my mom had moved back up north. As soon as I saw my mom with an alcoholic beverage in her hand I took my cue to leave, and I made no apologies for it. We didn't need to wait for cake to be served. My kid was tired anyway. I did not want to witness any carnage from my mother's mood change when alcohol was added.

Yesterday my mother left a message on my answering machine. She is trying to get me to go back to her apartment, and she keeps coming up with reasons why I should visit her. This time it was because she wanted my brother's clothes back. The ones she threw out on her lawn over a week ago. I refuse to give them to her. I'll give them to my brother, but not her. I held my ground, and even managed to continue the conversation after that topic had been covered to find out how my cousin's funeral had gone.

At some point I will have to confront my mother, and admit that yes, I am mad at her. It's not necessary or nice though, so I'm dodging it now. If push comes to shove when the holidays are closer, then we'll deal with it when the time is right. For now though I am just keeping her at arms' length so that I can keep myself and my family safe from her, and my reactions toward her.