between sanity and insanity

This is a rough time for me. Yesterday I saw my grandmother, and all of that. Last night after we got the kid to bed, my husband told me he wasn't feeling well and was going to the doctor (at 9:30pm he was going to Urgent Care clinic). So off he went, with our only car. A while later he called me back and said he was being sent to a real hospital in an ambulance. I was POWERLESS. I was home, with a child, and no way to get to the hospital. Our car was at the doctor's office. So I asked his permission to call a friend of his. I couldn't quite let go, not yet.

His friend showed up at my door a while later, and I had to choose between panic & insanity and sanity and detachment. I hated to do it, but I choose the later one. My husband is not an addict, and I didn't really want to detach, but my gut told me that it would be a waste of my energy to wake a sleeping child, install a car seat in the dark, and go out. So I stayed home and sent the friend instead. Hours later, more phone calls, and the verdict that the hospital could find nothing wrong. So I finally went to bed. I woke as soon as my husband came home, at 2am. He's fine. I don't think this is the last time that this scenario will play out in my house though. It's certainly not the first time he has run off to the doctor's office late at night. So I have choices to make. I want to be compassionate, and I really do care, but having lived with an alcoholic who was always "dying" from one crisis to the next, I don't want to live that way in my marriage, and I don't want to raise my daughter on that roller coaster ride either.

I'm GRATEFUL that it was nothing serious. I think I handled the situation in a good way. I sent a friend, who was not burdened with a sleepy preschooler, to be by his side. The same friend who was at his side when other crisis's have occurred. I need help with coping with this in the future though. It's tough territory for me.