stuck in my own head

I've been stuck in my own head lately. I've tried reading books, and talking to friends, but I keep coming back to the "what ifs" and all the other things that seem to poison my mind. I got an argument over nothing with my husband yesterday and blamed it on PMS. It didn't matter though, the apology didn't matter. He was hurt, I was wrong, and he took our daughter and left for a few hours. I had more time to myself, more time to stew in my own head, not a good time.

This morning the child was troublesome, but he and I were back on the same page again. I'm grateful for this. I don't like it when we get misaligned. I'm still off somewhere though, and trying to find my way back to the present. I'm not sure why.

Name calling

Someone called me an "enabler" today and I'm still stinging from it. It's someone who I've never met face-to-face, but only know online. I don't think of myself as being an "enabler", but I think it can be a fine line between being a "supportive family member" and being an "enabler". I've never been an enabler with my mother. I've practiced a lot of tough love with her. With my husband though, I worry about that, and being accused is really throwing me into self-doubt. He's got some medical issues that he is working through with his doctor. I know it's his illness, his body (and mind), and he's an adult. He can work this through on his own, but I am trying to be there for support. Occasionally I go with him to the doctor's office, but not always. Yesterday I did and on Thursday I won't. Mostly I don't go, but if it's urgent I do go if I can.

I am also concerned about being a "toxic person". No one has actually called me that, but the fact that I've been called an "enabler" has made me wonder. Am I "toxic"? Am I the very kind of person that I don't think I am?? God I hope not. Would I know it if I was??

These are not good thoughts, and can be draining if I let them take over. I need to shut off those voices and live in the moment. I have work to do and a family who needs me, and a book to read if time permits. If someone else thinks I am something, then I need to let that be her problem, and not let it control ME.