Trying to do "the right thing" but it's not working

I am trying to do the right thing with my mother, but it's not working. I set boundaries and I hold to them, but she's not living in the same reality as I am. When my grandmother died, she picked a fight with my brother. Now she's coming after me for Thanksgiving.
In the "try to do the right thing" department, I agreed we'd see her for Thanksgiving. My husband, daughter, and I cannot go to my mother's apartment though because of the cigarette smoke and the cat. I've told this to my mother many times. Likewise, I know my mom wouldn't be comfortable in our messy house, and would have difficulty with the stairs leading into the house. So I picked a neutral zone for the Thanksgiving meal. I found a restaurant and made a reservation for us. I told my mom we'd treat because I know it's out of her budget, and we'd give her a ride because she doesn't have a car. This seems like the "right thing" to do.
My mother isn't happy though. She wants to be in control, and she wants to cook us Thanksgiving at her apartment. This is not acceptable though as defined by our boundaries and she keeps pushing. On Friday night there was a message on my answering machine "The weather forecast looks bad. Are you sure you don't want me to cook? I really don't mind". I haven't called her back yet. The "weather forecast" is for a "chance of rain". It's not bad at all. If the weather forecast were for a snowstorm, we would either a)stay home or b)use our 4-wheel drive, pick her up and go. The worst miles of the trip are from our house to hers. Once we get to her house, the roads are easy, all state highways and good town roads etc. It's the 7 miles from our house to civilization that are the hazard. So there is no way to use the weather as an excuse.

I am prepared to let it go. We are doing our best, I am doing my best, to offer neutral ground. She can take it or leave it. I told my husband that if she cancels, I'd still like to go. I know we could cook Thanksgiving at our house for just the 3 of us, but I'm in the mood to go out. After our lunch, we'll stop by my father's house so my daughter can thank the chickens for all the eggs that they've been giving us lately. Sounds like a good plan to me.

I also realize that if Thanksgiving plans blow up, we might not see my mom for Christmas either. Seems strange to think that she'd be local and we wouldn't see her, but I've gotten used to it with my brother.

Deep breath. Let Go, Let God. No expectations. Live and Let Live. Only 3 more days.