Does this define "crazy" for you?

A lot of us have "crazy" parents, but when someone asks me what I mean by "crazy" I have a hard time answering. Is she depressed? Is she schizo? Is she bipolar? Is she "just another alcoholic"? I don't know. Now though, I have an example of "crazy" fresh in mind so I thought I'd share it--

Last night we had to go run some errands after work/school and we were driving past my mom's place. I offered to stop for a minute with my dear daughter so we could see the new cats that she just named, but we hadn't met yet. So we go in, meet the cats, and my daughter is scared as hell as usual. Fine. Then my mom is like "Oh wait! I have to show you something in the kitchen."

Well what she wanted to show us was her cremated cat, and all the stuff they gave her with it. She had a cute little "birthday box" with a bow that the cat was in, a photo of the cat, and something else that was the paw prints I guess.

UGH! This of course instantly raised lots of questions for my 4-year old. I was choking anyway on the cigarette smoke, so we left quickly. My mom was still trying to talk to me, and I just had to tell her to shut-up because dd was asking me a ton of questions about how the dead cat got so small that it could fit into that box. We got back out to the car, where my husband was waiting, and then the two of us tried explain cremation to her.

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This is the kind of stuff that drives ME crazy with my mother. All I wanted to do was meet the cats, and see if maybe my daughter would be less afraid of them since she had helped to name them. When I realized that my kid was just as scared as always, I was ready to leave and get on with the rest of our stuff.

I can't really complain about the cigarette smoke because truthfully we didn't call ahead or anything. We just impulsively stopped, which is something I never do. However, I think my mom should shown me privately what was on the kitchen table if she really needed to share that badly. She should not have drawn my daughter into it. It wasn't appropriate. And really that is the problem with my mom a lot of the time. She doesn't understand what is "appropriate" and what isn't. Not just with my daughter, but in life in general. Sometimes she does understands and does what she wants anyway, other times she just has no clue.

So I'm not really sure how this ties into Al-Anon, except that examples like this one are reasons why I have to have strong boundaries with my mother, and why I could never let her watch my child unsupervised. She will never be a babysitter, I hope to God.

Christmas is getting closer still...

I had a little meltdown this morning. My child was having a meltdown because she was upset that she didn't own a blanket that was yellow. The kid has about a dozen blankets, but this morning for some reason she needed a yellow one for school. She screamed, I screamed, my husband screamed... it was getting us no where, and by the time we were done I was in tears.  After the ordeal was finally over, and the child had been delivered to school, with a blue blanket that belongs to my husband, we had a little heart-to-heart in the car. I did a lot of apologizing. My husband noted that every 3 or 4 days my mother cries her "crocodile tears" and NEEDS me for something, desperately and I go through hoops and loops trying to decide whether it's legit or not, and whether I want to help her or not. Each time I take the case individually and try to decide how to manage her in that moment and it's wearing me down, especially when the holidays are already a little crazy for us. We have a lot to do before the 25th, and I'm worried that it won't get done. I see my husband's needs being met (I think), and my daughter having a meltdown when we've been giving her a ton of stuff anyway, and then I just think that my own life is falling apart. So we had a little heart to heart, and he held my hand and reassured me that he was still there, and even though I was going a little crazy in these moments, he still loved me and we'd get through these next two weeks together. He's a good man.

I hope my mother decides not to renew her lease in July, and heads back to Florida as soon as she can. I'm pretty sure January weather is going to be one continuous bitch session from her.

I could post some examples of my mother's recent craziness, but I'll spare you. I'm grateful for a patient and loving husband today, and every day.