Practicing Detachment

Detachment is so key to my sanity, and when it comes to my mother I've had a hard time with it. When she moved to Florida it really helped me because I knew there was little I could do. I had to "Let Go and Let HP". I was worried that when she moved back north that I'd get sucked in again, and I know that I have to be very careful with boundaries or I will lose my sanity.

I have been doing quite well in the past 6-7 weeks since my mom came back. On Saturday my daughter and I saw my mother at a local event. In the course of the 2 hours that we visited, my mom mentioned she is probably legally blind in her right eye. She has cataracts and might need surgery. Before Al-Anon I would have been quite upset about this. "My mom is blind? Oh no! She shouldn't be driving that's for sure! Surgery? When? I better be there in case anything goes wrong." That would have been me the old-way. On Saturday though I stayed calm. "Mom I've been saying for years you shouldn't be driving". Of course I've been saying it because of all her DUIs, not because of her vision but I left that part out.

I have a firm boundary here. My mother will not be allowed to babysit my daughter, ever. The most I am going to let her watch my kid is any situation where I'd be okay leaving my daughter alone, or for very brief periods of time. I need to use the portapotty at the event, my mom can watch my daughter for the 2 minutes it takes me to go pee, but I'm going to pee fast! so later when my mom mentioned that my brother's ex-wife might let her babysit my nephew I did not panic. I did not feel guilt. I did not feel like "Oh Marie trusts my mom with her kid, I should trust her too." No way. I did not let this get to me. I am making a decision, with my husband's support, that is best for my family. Marie and my brother can do as they please.

There were other comments said during our visit too, but I kept my focus on myself and my daughter. I was determined to enjoy a beautiful summer day and I did not let my mother, my husband, or anyone else distract me from that. My daughter and I had a great day. Before Al-Anon it might not have worked out that way, but by practicing "Detachment" and "Live and Let Live" we had a wonderful visit.