"The shell must break before the bird can fly." -- Tennyson
(And this is where I found it: http://www.creativegrowth.com/qquotes.htm)
I just came across this, and it is so true for many of us. I want to say especially for Al-Anon people, especially for adult children of alcoholics who have been building that shell their whole lives, but really it's true for everybody. Many are afraid of breaking that shell. They don't want to expose the world, or themselves to what is underneath. I know I have days where I feel like that, and maybe today is one of them. I can't really tell you why. My pain isn't worse than anyone else's, and right now my life is in a good place mostly. I just feel it. I'm procrastinating on things I promised to do, and I feel like I'm not where I belong, but there is nothing I can do because I don't know where I'm supposed to go. Fly? Fly where?
In my case, as an alcoholic and a person who was married to an active alcoholic, my shell had to break AND I HAD TO BREAK before I could even think one wit about flying.
ReplyDeleteI hope you won't take offense at this, but I think you are short changing yourself by not going to Al-Anon. That program has so much more to offer than just maintaining serenity - so very much more.
I love you and prayers your way,
PG
Thanks for your comments Prayer Girl. I have gone to Al-Anon in the past, and I've got several of the books. I just can't get to meetings right now in my life. It's just not logistically feasible. I've thought about trying to get to lunchtime ones, but the meetings are an hour long and my lunch break is only 30 minutes. I am doing what I can for myself by reading the books, following the blogs of others, and trying to listen to myself.
ReplyDeleteI think our shells have many layers. I used to date an addict, for many years. I had to break, and break, and break again before I finally had the strength to close the door on that relationship. It was not easy, and it took a long time. I was so afraid of being alone, and not finding someone new, but I finally did it. And then I met my husband a few months later.
It is hard to open up and once opened hard to close the door on relationships. I guess that why unacceptable behavior can continue among those of us who need Al-Anon.
ReplyDelete