Boundaries again

I managed to carve out 10 minutes to call my mom last night. I thanked her for the apple orchard idea and told her of our adventures with my father-in-law. She started in the "I haven't seen you in so long" stuff, and I told her the truth, well some of it anyway. I told her that after being long distance for 7 years she shouldn't just expect us to suddenly be close. We have lives, we have things to do, and yeah, I'm tired. I've been busy for the past week, haven't done grocery shopping yet, etc. I'm not ready to run over to her apartment. She said something about having Abby come over and make cookies or something. I pleaded to her to not push because I'd give her a negative answer in my current mood.

The thing is.. she's never going to "get it". She's never going to understand that even if she isn't smoking, there is enough smoke smell in her apartment to trigger an asthma attack for me and for my kid. I don't feel like bringing my daughter over there. It's not healthy for her. My kid is on enough meds as it is for asthma and allergy problems, I'm not going to purposely bring her into that apartment just to visit. I did it a couple of times when my mom first moved up here in July, but it was summer, we could have windows and doors open. Now it's cold out. It's not an option anymore. My mom has mobility issues so going somewhere like we did with my father-in-law really isn't an option for her either. I feel badly for my mom. She's up here, she's lonely, she's trying to be part of our lives, and I've got good reasons to reject her. Trying to find a way for her to have a relationship with us is very tricky. My husband wants nothing to do with her, and I don't blame him. I don't think I should force him to either. I'm not sure what to do about my daughter. On the one hand, she has a right to get to know her maternal grandmother, on the other hand her grandmother is sick on so many levels.

What to do? What to do? I keep giving it up in prayer and meditation to my higher power, but I'm not getting answers very quickly. Sigh.

Meanwhile there is a missing 6 year old in Colorado somewhere. Guess my life could be worse. Perspective.