I'm not even going to reach into the backpack today to find a quote. I had a very real experience this afternoon of NOT using the program when I should have.
I went to Target to buy a few things, on a long lunch break. I paid, returned my cart, loaded my car, hit McD's drive thru (free coffee), and headed back to work. Just as I neared my exit I realized my wallet wasn't on the front passenger seat. It's a big wallet, with ALL my ID in it. I panicked. I got off the exit, made a U-turn, and sped back to the store. I checked the trunk of my car quickly, and all around the front seats etc, but didn't find it. Then I RAN into the store. Panic was full on. I went back to the cashier where I'd checked out (Lane 8), then I went to Customer Service, and finally to the security guard who I'd handed the cart off to. No one had the wallet. I gave the guard my name and phone numbers, and left. I told myself as I walked out that if I didn't find the wallet in my car right now, then I officially had permission to cry, and I planned to really bawl because I was so upset with myself, and I knew my husband would be upset with me too. A simple little errand turned into a complete disaster. Credit cards, library cards, ID, health insurance, all my store cards, etc... missing. What a disaster! There wasn't any cash, just all that ID.
Then I got to my car, opened the trunk, and SEARCHED, and searched and FOUND the wallet in one of the shopping bags. I came back to work and called Target and let them know I'd found the wallet. Fortunately I didn't have to speak to the security guard personally.
I was so grateful that I had not called my husband and caused him to panic, or had him search the car and see his birthday gifts. However I felt like a complete idiot.
I should have used the program. Al-Anon is about US. It's about ME. It's not about the alcoholics and addicts in my life, it's about keeping ME sane, and I need to keep the focus on MYSELF. Al-Anon is not just for when I am interacting with the As in my life, it is for LIVING my life, always. It needs to be ON all the time. Losing weight isn't about dieting, it's about changing your lifestyle. Al-Anon is the same way. It's about changing your life style so you make the right choice every time, or try to anyway. And when you make a mistake, you forgive yourself.
I made two mistakes today, at least. I panicked because I thought I'd lost the wallet, and then I was really hard on myself when I realized it was a false alarm. I shouldn't have panicked in the first place. I should have stayed calm and searched the car better. Then, even if I had panicked and gone through all of that, I should have been more forgiving of myself for making the mistake. No one is perfect, not even me, that's why we have a Higher Power. Maybe, just maybe, my higher power had a reason for me to get back to work 45 minutes later than I'd planned. I'll probably never know.
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